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What should I do about her daddy?

My little girl is 18 months old and I am pregnant again with my second little girl. All my life I have said I wanted to be with the person I have kids with for the rest of my life. ( I know thats what everyone wants right lol) But alot of things happend and i ended up finding out he was cheating on me with a TENTH GRADER!! I moved out in january but i find myself chasing him around and doing anything for our daughter to be able to see him. she loves him soo much and it breaks my heart for her to bring me the phone and ask for dada. He usually doesnt answer and she just cries her little eyes out. he doesnt call very often and i find if I am chasing him around, giving him gas money, and putting minutes on his phone she gets to see him. but if i try to leave me out of it and try to get him to come see HER and spend time with her it doesnt happen. I dont know what to do..... I do love him but i cannot trust him. What do I do?

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twogirls2010

Asked by twogirls2010 at 2:43 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (21 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • You need to just leave him alone. You have to focus being the best mom you can be and not worry about him. You can't chase him around to make him see your daughter. She doesn't understand right now but she will when she is older.
    Frogbaby83

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 2:47 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • A 10th grader?? At 3 years old your daughter will forget "Dada", keep her away from him before she gets hurt even more. Marry the next guy before you get pregnant again & get yourself into another mess. Focus on being a great Mom to these kids first, worry about finding a man later.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Your daughter deserves better father. If he doesn't want to see her I would leave it alone. It sounds like he is using you for money, instead of spending time where he should. Stop. Concentrate on your daughter. Eventually she will get use to the way things are and I'm sure it will break your heart, but it seems like he's doing more damage than good these days. I did the same after my divorce. My ex-husband doesn't call, visits the kids once a month or so. He moved 6 hours away to be with his mistress. Our youngest three don't remember ever living with him and they are fine. They consider their step-father their dad because he does all the dad stuff.
    You should look into making him pay child support. Even if he doesn't keep a steady job now eventually he probably will.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • i agree with anon 254..
    however.. my son's father, I found out he was cheating on me the whole pregnancy AND after our son was born, so I left him..
    I gave him 4 chances to see his son.. and gave up.. the last chance was at his house..
    I say leave him alone.. it's obvious he don't want his daughter, so be the best mom you can be and file for child support and sole custody. that's what I'm planning on doing since his father won't do shit for his son lol [he's going around telling people I keep him from his son when in truth I'm not because after that chance I told him if he wants to see his son.. HE can find a way to see him]
    kittenripmaygo

    Answer by kittenripmaygo at 3:04 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • You are now mommy and daddy give up on the loser have you ever thought he might abuse his own child the man has problems he likes little girls that is sick. I think stay away as far as possible. Take her to the park museums keeps her busy, you have to fill her heart with love it's his lost not your or hers.
    goodmama

    Answer by goodmama at 3:10 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Instead of focusing on continuing a relationship with this man, either with you or your daughter, you should put the focus on learning how to better love yourself and your daughter. Before getting into a relationship, write down what qualities you want in a man and what you're not willing to tolerate. Don't tell the man about your list. Just look for these qualities. In the meanwhile, work on bettering yourself. The healthier you are, the more healthier your choices. Remember you should be as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. You cannot get love or respect, if you don't give these things to yourself first.

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 3:15 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Stop going after him you go right to the courts and file for CS and then you be the best mommy you can be to these two Little girls and when your 18 month old is 5 and her daddy is no where to be found she will understand why you did what you did. All he wants from you is money he doesn't give two shits about the girls or you so forget him and get on with your life with your girls. Give them what they deserve and that is a mommy that is there when ever they need her. Not a daddy that they have to be chacing here there and all over town. GL I know that your scared too PM any time we can talk.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:57 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I know it hurts, but let him go... It will be many nights/days of holding your crying little one, but the longer you wait... the more crying nights. It may sound cold, but she will forget, and it will be best for her... tenth grade can't be more that 15 16 maybe... that's a child and that's sick. don't let your baby be exposed to this and think it is ok, even if you tell them it's not it won't help if you don't take a stand and show it's not ok. I would think about my babies safety... what about when she is in tenth grade? He is obviously sick... who says he can draw the lines in the father daughter relationship? BE CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    mouse888

    Answer by mouse888 at 6:51 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • At nine months it took my daughter only about three weeks to adjust to being w/out Daddy... Me on the other hand...
    mouse888

    Answer by mouse888 at 7:05 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Girl, you NEED to let him go! if he doesn't want to come see his beautiful daughter then he doesn't deserve her!! as for giving him money, HE should be giving YOU money,I say let him be a bum! he IS NOT worth it. you and YOUR daughter deserve better then a man..looking at little girls...I hate to be so honest..(I'm sorry if I offend you) you don't want to worry about him looking at your daughters friends..If you can't trust him..there is NO relationship.I say,once a cheater always a cheater. Some people may disagree..but no one has proved me wrong.I say get child support.When you daughter mentions her "daddy" I would do something with her to make him get off her mind.Good Luck!
    MamasAngelPie

    Answer by MamasAngelPie at 9:34 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

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