Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

MIL issues

Okay so MIL is the controlling, manipulative, lying type. Long story short I've amused her for twelve years now and no longer want to be her punching bag. Apparently this has made the men in the family (my DH and FIL) very uncomfortable. I decided to try and be an adult about it and talk with her tonight at the request of my DH and FIL. Well it turned out to be a disaster. She refuses to acknowledge anything she's done to me, lied about situations that never happened, and made a complete ass out of herself with her screaming antics. We all know she's got issues but everyone keeps making excuses for her behavior because they don't want to deal with her and pawn her off on me. Whatever, I'm just tired of her antics. Now that I've removed myself from the situation she's focused on torturing them which leads them back to coaxing me into making amends with her.

Since she won't budge, how do we move forward?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:18 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • continued: we currently act like a divorced couple (MIL and I) which I've become comfortable with. I don't keep the kids from her, she doesn't have to "put up" with me and I keep my distance otherwise. Why is this so hard for everyone else to accept?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • In your situation. You should just tell your DH and FIL to deal with her themselves. If she is that bad I personally would never want to see or talk to her again. It sounds like you live in the same city/town as your in-laws. JMO
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:36 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I think what you are doing is the only thing you could do in this situation.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:38 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Bc so far you have gone along w/ the plan of dealing w/ crazy MIL, now that you're standing up for yourself FIL & DH don't know what to do. Before you came along she was the only woman they had to deal w/ so they always just gave in to her (dealing w/ same here!!!) They discovered its easier for them not to fight her bc then she gets confrontational. Stick to your guns, don't let crazy continue to run your life. The problem I have is DD sees manipulation/lying & I don't want her to think its appropriate behavior so I limit time MIL gets to see my DD. Tell FIL & DH that this is the way its gonna be from now on & to just get used to it. If they can accomodate her, they can accomodate you. Don't give in to them so their lives are easier, they're just using you as a barrier so they don't have to deal w/ her & that's not fair to you/not your job.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:05 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • My DH and his family have always catered to his mom out of fear. Out of respect for him I took her verbal insults and rudeness for several years. Then I became pregnant with #2, she acted out and at that point I had zero tolerance for her childish behavior and I did what you did, I walked away. They can continue to have a relationship if my DH chooses, but I'm out of it. And she LOVES to play the victim "Oh, poor me, look how they treat me" kind of thing. The last straw for me is when she stormed out on us at a restaurant because she didn't get her way. I told my DH I would not allow her to walk in and out of my children's lives like that (she went years without contacting my DH until I became pregnant with #1). You have to do what's best for you. Tell the men to grow up and deal with the monster they created...

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • There is a psycho in every family. Congrats! You aren't it!

    You've done what you could. Not your job to parent her. You have your own kids.

    Let the men know you are finished with this part. You will try again next year.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 10:29 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • OP: ha ha thanks for the advice! So for those of you that have been there, done it get easier with time? How did your DH handle it in time? My DH took my side last night and has that all or nothing attitude. We do things together as a family or we don't. I don't want my kids to miss out on time with their grandparents just because MIL and I don't get along but it looks like that's the way it's going. My DH wants nothing to do with his mother especially after last night's escapade and she's been giving him the cold shoulder because he took my side. I really don't want this to be a pissing contest and said so. I remained diplomatic the entire time even though she got in my face and I wanted to knock her block off (maybe I should have,lol). Do you think she'll eventually warm back up to them? She went as far as to act this way towards my son and he wanted to leave asap.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • MIL's can be such evil people!!! Ive been with my BF for going on 6 years,and his mother has tried anything and everything she could possibly think of to split us up,and things got even worse once we had our son (who is now 3)! She denies that our son belongs to my BF even though he is a spitting image of his daddy,and she has tried countless times to get my BF back with his ex,or to try convincing my BF that I was cheating on him-it never stops.I thought things would get better over time but I was SO wrong! She was fine as long as she could bum $ off us,but it got up over $2000 that she "borrowed" and my BF finally put his foot down and told her flatout we had our own bills and responsibilities so if she wanted more $ she needed to get a JOB.it got so bad that we finally moved 200 miles away to get away from her and all of her drama-it wasn't fair for our son to be treated poorly.Some people NEVER change-Good Luck though!!
    dakotasmommy06

    Answer by dakotasmommy06 at 9:27 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.