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What would you do?

My daughter is 14 years old. She is one of the most popular kids in school. She gets asked out a lot (she's not allowed to date yet) and all the girls want to be like her. The problem is, my daughter knows how popular she is and she was become a big-headed girl who thinks the whole world is at her feet. She really needs to come back down to earth and I don't know how to help with that!!

Any ideas?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • Volunteering may help. When she sees how good she has it she may change a little.

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:43 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I would make her start doing something to realize that she isn't all that and a bag of chips. If she realizes that not everything is easy to come by that may help her. Because right now in her mind, her life is PERFECT. She has all the guys and she is the envy of all the girls. She just needs to realize that life can be hard and it's not always going to be where everyone is lovey dovey to her. I grew out of it on my own when I realized no one really LIKED me they were jealous of me and the guys wanted to get with me. Volunteering is a good idea though

    Answer by Zacherysmommy08 at 8:52 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Generally this attitude comes from fear, not confidence.

    Your 14yo is doubtless aware of who was the Top Kid last year or the year before, who may well be a Ghost now, for all the attention and social contact they get... being in the top position is one that comes with a few things:

    ~certain knowledge that she did nothing to earn it
    ~certain knowledge that she can do nothing to retain it
    ~certain knowledge that anything could knock her off it, even just someone new showing up, or a cool haircut on someone else

    It feels vital to her at this moment to stay on top... but what she's trading for that is nothing less than 100% of her self-regard. In order to 'do whatever it takes' to stay there, she has to anticipate the whims of the crowd, behave badly (seen "Mean Girls"?) to lower levels, threaten others either openly or secretively... and a whole lot of other self-eroding, mean, selfish and cruel things.

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:57 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • It's their way of gaining acceptance, even if that acceptance comes form superficial things such as looks and dress, getting boys to pay attention to her and notice her, and having people envy her from afar, even though those people don't really want to be like her, they, too want to be accepted. Eventually she will see that being accepted for what's inside~personality, brains, effort, good values, and being generally pleasant to others counts more in life, and she will develop those traits.

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 7:13 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • My mother told me once that I was too bossy to my friends. To this day I don't know why my friends let me pick the games, be the leader, speak for them in a crowd... I just did. Say what you will, your daughter knows what's workin' for her & has no reason to change it. I still end up the spokeswoman, the club president, etc. for everything I join, but I do at least know humility now. There's hope!
    I do like the idea of volunteering. A soup kitchen is awesome. Or one of the special needs sports camps/groups. The only thing to bring her down a notch will be the peers who wise up & stop being followers. But in the mean time you can work on opening her eyes to a bigger world and how blessed she is in it.

    Answer by cutiemoose at 12:27 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

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