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Can't get dh on board...

We need to make some pretty significant changes to salvage ourselves financially. I would like to take some pretty clear steps to improve our situation, no cable, sell anything we aren't using or isn't necessary, work second jobs, etc. But I can't get hubby to understand that these things are NECESSARY- he keeps saying "it'll be alright" "things will get better soon"- but NO they aren't going to be alright, I know, I do the bills, we are in serious financial trouble (we both work, but both of our hours have been cut and we can't find other jobs- which why I think one or both of us should take a second) Anyone else ever have trouble getting their so to understand the reality of the situation or make the changes necessary to correct it? And how do I address this? *I'm not divorcing, leaving or otherwise ending my marriage- I just want advice about how to make him understand that we need to make drastic changes.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (7)
  • My husband was the same way. Until he realized that what I was saying was the truth. He had to put gas in the car and I told him he couldn't, and he's like Well why the heck not?! And I told him because we don't have any money. That a long with nagging (i don't care if i'm a bad wife for nagging him, he likes to spend money we don't have) has really got him to realize what is going on. We don't have cable, we do have the internet but that is because I'm going to school online. We also have netflix (ALOT cheaper then cable) so that we can watch as many movies as we want, and even some TV shows! I cut our electric bill by keeping lights off during the day (we live in Florida so lot's of sunshine), also right now we don't run the AC or heat. It's just all about budgeting and cutting back on things (like eating out) hope things get better for you hon!

    Answer by Zacherysmommy08 at 8:42 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Make him take care of the bills. I did this to my ex when I was pregnant, he quickly became a penny pincher. Unfortunately, he was only that way when it came to necessities and things I wanted/needed for myself and baby. He still spent plenty of money on his toys. That's not why we seperated, but it was the only way he ever saw the problem with living paycheck to paycheck. I told him all the time and I even went so far as to create a chart with income and bills to show that we really had no money for all the newest gadgets, it did nothing. I think it's a great idea to sell things you don't need/use. I did that when I first moved out with DD on my own, it kept us floating plus it cleared up space. I ended up cleaning a house and babysitting for extra cash as well.

    Answer by camiam81 at 8:51 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I suggest sitting down with all of your bill statements, and itemizing your actual TAKE HOME monthly incomes versus what you spend each month on mortgage/rent, credit cards/other loans, groceries, gas, vehicle maintenance and insurance, child care, utilities, cell phone, internet, etc. It should be pretty clear how much money (if any) is left over after all is said and done for incidentals.

    Also show him how much MORE one or both of you would need to work a second job to make ends meet. Maybe if he sees a few extra hours in a second job will help keep your heads above water, he'll comprehend things better.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:19 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Sit down with him and together work out a monthly budget. When he truly understands how much comes in and how much comes out, his attitude should improve.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:48 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • We are kinda in the same boat....I'm pregnant with our 3rd, and when we decided to have another we both worked full time and were more than able to afford another, then he got laid off and now we have very little money. I do the bills also and its a job initself to keep them paid. Since we rent we talked to our landlord and told her my husband lost his job and she ajusted our rent to better fit our income, and she has other houses that she pays us to paint/fix then and she takes it of the rent. this has helped us SO much. I would say have im help you pay the bills and do the shopping and maybe he will understand where you are comming from! Good Luck. We always say 'at least we have alotta love'

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Put the math on the fridge --get a whiteboard (or a dry-erase marker if your fridge has the standard melamine paint, it's okay, it washes off with rubbing alcohol if it doesn't just wipe off) and put all the mandatory bills from biggest to smallest in a list, with a running total of what that means it costs to live. Then, at the bottom, add 'saving for an emergency' and then 'saving for the future' and then, way at the bottom list the current total income. If you like, you can write in the shortfall between reality and necessity in big red numbers.

    There are a lot of ways to cut even mandatory expenses, like buying higher-nutrition,lower-priced food and avoiding the use of power, heat and light wherever possible ... but a great big, embarrassing visual on the fridge will be helpful in demonstrating the difference between fantasy and reality in your household economy.

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:45 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • TY ladies, I am relieved to know it's not just my dh that has trouble getting this! lol..and thanks for the great ideas- except for putting him in charge of the bills- he's a procrastinator- the lights would get turned off by the time he paid for them...

    and to my fellow anonymous up there, we also JUST had a baby (two weeks ago), and when we got pregnant, though unplanned we thought we could handle it, we both were working and things were going great, but then we both got our hours cut within a month of each other and that really nailed our feet to the floor! ugh....


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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