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why cant i stand him?

Lately I don't feel like I love dh. Infact everything about him makes me wonder why I'm with him. He's crude, insensative and always smells like shit. He always puts my family down and now everytime I look at him or talk to him my stomach turns. I want to say I still love him. We have a beautiful 3 month old dd and I want to love him for her sake!!!! What can I do to get over myself?

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mom06and09

Asked by mom06and09 at 11:00 AM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • Did you love him when you got married? Perhaps you are suffering from PPD? It is not unusual after the birth of a baby to feel out of sorts, as far as the smelling bad part, IDK did he stop showering or something? I can't imagine that he started smelling bad all of the sudden--LOL! Before you do anything rash, have a talk with your doctor, and try to figure out when you started feeling this way. If you got into something you have never wanted thats a whole different story, good luck mom!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:11 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • get a piece of paper and a pen. on 1 side write everything that you love about him and why you are with him, on the other side write everything that you cant stand about him. if the bad outweighs the good, then leave, if the love outweighs the bad, stay and talk so u can work it out.
    _mimimosley_

    Answer by _mimimosley_ at 11:13 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I would definately look into PPD. Maybe he reminds you of diapers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Lol at the diapers comment. But he smells bad cause he's ALWAYS farting. Half of his underwear have shit stains and he just throws them on the ground. He makes a new rule but won't stick by it. He says he wants to be a part of dd health/appointments but bitches about sitting in the waiting room and how stupid the doctors are!!!! We have only been together about a year and a half total (a year of that has been living together) I just don't know.
    mom06and09

    Answer by mom06and09 at 11:33 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Relationships go through many stages. I, too have felt this way about my husband. Our relationship has since grown into a wonderful, amazing marriage. He has mellowed so much through the years. I have also. Things we used to fight about simply do not matter anymore. We are married 19 years. Make a list as PP said. It's a good way to remind you what you saw in him in the first place. I wouldn't be so fast to leave someone. If you wait it out, it's extremely nice to grow old together.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 11:46 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Well although I wouldn't rule out PPD, based on the way you just described him, I can't say he's helping his case any lol. He's a grown ass man and shouldn't be leaving shitty underwear laying around. I don't blame you for feeling unattracted to him. It doesn't mean you don't love him, it just sounds like you are disgusted with him, and rightly so! I know that children go through regressions when a new baby arrives (congratulations btw!) but I've never heard of husbands going through them. I would sit him down and have a serious talk about exactly what it is that is bothering you. Make sure to talk TO him and not AT him (guys naturally tune us out when we do that) and tell him that there are some changes that need to be made. Not just bandaids to sugarcoat things for a while, but some for real, no shit, (no pun intended I swear! lol) changes. If that doesn't work, try seeking marriage counseling. Best of luck to you!
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 11:48 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • The shitty underwear omg!! Did his mom not teach him to wipe properly?? that is nasty!! I can understand why you feel this way but you should check into ppd men fart that's what they do best if you ask me...But have a talk with him in a respectful manner and say I love you but I don't feel that attracted to you right now and it's because of the underwear thing you need to change that how would you feel if I walked around stinking like poop all day would you be attracted to me? tell him poop has ecoli and it gets allover the floor and spreads bad germs I'm sorry to be so harsh but what the heck??? Poopy underwear?? I would nip that thing in the bud right now! But maybe he's feeling since the new baby has arrived (and some men feel like that) he's not getting enough of your attention so this is his way of telling you pay attention to me too...
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 11:58 AM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Buy extra butt wipes and put them in the bathroom for him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Ooooh I just had another idea! Lol Spencer's (or any gag gift shop) sells "Fart Extinguishers". You should totally get him one and tell him to put it to good use! :-)
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 12:40 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Hi just came back to check and read you reply, definitely think he needs to learn how to wipe properly! I think you might be a lttle worn out with the new baby, you didn't answer if you ever were "in love" or not. I think for your DD's sake you need to have a long talk, I wouldn't go as far as to say your not attracted to him anymore, just see if he can manage to understand that you have a baby now, and the world is revolving around the kiddo--not him, I think you still might want to talk to the doctor, hormones are running crazy and you might need to be checked for PPD, good luck mommy, and huggles to you!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:05 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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