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I need some help here!!!

My husband died 14 months ago. He had cancer. My daughter was very sad, naturally, and she lost interest in everything. I took her to a therapist who told me I had to be fun so my daughter could she life is fun. So I stopped all the crying and mourning in frond of her and I started taking her to the zoo, entertainment parks, trips etc. so she could have some fun. Nothing worked though. I decided to move from NY to California where all my and my late husband's family lives so my DD could have people she felf comfortable with around her. She was very happy with that for the first couple of weeks, but then she returned to being sad all the time. She was an amazingly happy girl before her father died. Now she's almost 7 and she is not interested in toys, games, making friends and generally having fun.

What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Try this, but she will need time http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/PARENTING_TIPS/death_and_loss.html     Hope this helps

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Encourage her to join in activities. But people grieve in there own time. I would find a counselor in you new area. Let her know how you are grieving and how your late husband would want her live a full life. Also maybe find a support group for her age, other kids going through the same thing might help her to cope better. I bet there is some kind of camp for this. Maybe celebrate your late husbands birthday together, doing something he would have loved. As a way to honoring him and celebrate his life and love for you two. This way she knows that he has not been forgotten and that he will always be in her heart. Also maybe a scrape book full of stories, pictures, trinkets that celebrate him. Let your daughter be the primary creator, help her to remember him in a positive manner (if she is willing). And just be there for her, let her know if it is okay to feel how every she feels. My heart goes out to you both.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 12:39 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • definitely consult a different therapist. make sure you and the therapist are able to talk before you take your daughter in there.
    katatrinakay

    Answer by katatrinakay at 12:43 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • i think the therapist needs a new job. your daughter needs a grief counselor someone she sees weekly. I would ask your daughter are you sad? if she says yes ask why? allow her to cry & cry with her.. tell her it's ok to miss her dad / your child needs to know life is fun, but can also be hard. if you go to church have someone pray over her. I would talk about the good times you had with him, share pictures, hugs & tears"because you miss him" its healthy to cry when your grieving. these are the steps to grieving denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. ask your child how she feels & talk to her with her feelings help her work through each stage of grief. here is web site that may help- http://www.ucg.org/booklets/AD/grief.asp
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 12:48 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • It has only been 14 months. How old is your DD? I lost my dad very unexpectedly on July 5th. I cannot tell you how hard it has been coming to terms with the fact that he is just...gone. Poof, gone! I think it will be quite some time before I am ready to heal. What is that grief thing?
    Denial
    Anger
    Barganing
    Depression
    Acceptance
    Give her time and patients. She lost a parent. I for one am 43 yrs old and still feel like he abandoned me! I am angry, hurt, heart sick. This is going to be a very long process. Let her be sad, let her swim in it if that is what she needs to do. Keep her in grief counseling, things will get better. So sorry for your loss.


    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 1:12 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Talk to her. Let her share her feelings. Cuddle her. Let her know you're feeling the same way she is. Help her work through this. Ignoring that you're mourning and trying to push her into a happy state isn't healthy. That was incredibly wrong for the therapist to suggest. You can't force someone out of mourning, they have to naturally come out of it on their own. Talk about her father with her and remember the good times. Let her know that you miss him too. Sharing your memories, sharing your thoughts, letting her cry with you will help her more then anything. She needs to let her feelings out and talk about how she feels, what she misses, and what she remembers.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:17 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I lost my Mom 4 days before my 30th Birthday and we buried her the day after. It's so hard to lose a parent, or anyone for that matter. She needs to be able to cry, to be angry and ask questions and get it out of her system. I was so mad when my Mom passed, she died of breast cancer. I was so mad because why right before my birthday? Why, when I had so much to learn and I was pregnant too. I had to talk to the folks at my church and release the anger, the pain, the why's and what if's. There are always going to be rough patches or memories but she needs to get help. I know in our area there is a special place where kids can grieve and talk to other kids about the situations that they are going through and they do different projects and activities. Please leave me a message if you are in my area, I can tell you more about it. Take care & we'll be prayin' for you!
    rebeccan3

    Answer by rebeccan3 at 2:15 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • First talk to her doctor, they will know of a good reference to either a support group or to a therapist who is specially trained for kids. Also, you have to grieve for yourself, the other therapist was full of it, pretending to be happy will only tell your daughter that she is wrong to feel what she feels and she will never heal.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 4:08 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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