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Would you be upset if your new husband wanted to

keep the formal silverware and china that he and his ex wife received as wedding gifts from their marriage (25 years ago but divorced 3 years ago) and use it as our formal silver and china? This bugged me but I didn't say anything and just wondering how other women would feel. Am I being petty feeling this way and should I just get over it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I wouldn't mind. Its just silverware not bed sheets. That I would have a problem with.
    armywife2009101

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 1:56 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I think you are being petty. Guys don't put sentimental value on things like that. In this day and age be grateful you HAVE china and silver.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Depends of whether or not I liked the pattern =)

    Seriously though...yes, it would bug me a bit, especially if you are in a new relationship (less than 3 years I presume) and they were together for 2 1/2 decades... but the bigger question is why does your husband have a say in your formal silver and china?? Most men could care less!
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 1:58 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Ehhh...I don't know how I'd feel, honestly. If I had my own, or we'd received our own as a gift, then I'd rather not have his from a past marriage, but if it's your only set, I might be more inclined to keep it but keep it packed away, and just used once a year or something. My BIL actually gave us, for our wedding, the china set he & his ex-wife had received as a wedding gift when they got married - they were in the beginnings of divorce, he wanted to give us something nice, and I have a feeling he didn't want her to throw it at him in a fit of rage! I keep part of that set displayed, even knowing where it came from, and he's fine with it - we used it once when he was here and I don't think he even realized it. But yeah, that's a tough situation. Talk about it, maybe sell it and buy your own together as a new couple!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I'd use them as my everyday silver and china!!! LOL :o)

    Seriously, consider it an heirloom, and enjoy them--maybe put some pieces in your china cabinet?!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 2:00 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I kept and still display my china from my 1st marriage in our china cabinet. We mixed it with the crystal that we got when we got married, and the silver that he had bought before we were married. It's not a big deal to us. We both had lives before we got married and we realized that.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:02 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I would have a problem with that but that might just be me. I don't feel that too much from a former relationship not to mention a marriage should be kept. I can't quite understand why he is the one who ended up with that stuff, it seems like if his ex didn't want it it should have gone to their children if they had any.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I'm a SUPER jealous person and I can honestly say that I wouldn't care. China and silverware just don't seem like something I'd get upset over to be honest.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • OP here... The ex wife left the marriage and didn't want the china or silver. So he ended up with it. It is very nice and I don't have any from my past. So it is the only silver we have. I guess you are right - guys don't look at it as sentimental. Just something that is practical and will probably be given to his kids after we die. But I'm thinking that maybe in a year or two - I will tell him I want new silver that is OURS only. I never got any for my 1st marriage (I was widowed at a young age) so I would like to have something to call ours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Eh, I'm really not sure. In neither of my marriages to my LH or my DS did we register or ask for silver or china. I just don't put great importance on things like that, and like you said, he is probably just being practical. No to sheets or any type of linens, though, lol!

    Sorry to hear that you were widowed at a young age, so was I, but congratulations on your recent marriage. I would choose something more personal than china to purchase for yourselves as your own. I don't have any suggestions, lol, but fancy dinnerware just isn't my thing. Maybe a painting??
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 3:27 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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