Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would be the best way to help my hubby with his depression?

I am very concerned. I think we are past talking about how things are going to work out and it will get better. he is depressed about money and says he feels stuck in his job and that things will not improve . He also says he is a failure a lot and seems not as happy as he used to be about special things in our lives. He also turns to drinking a lot. This seems to make things worse which I am not surprised. just want advice on the best way to help him.

Answer Question
 
miss372

Asked by miss372 at 3:19 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • see if you can get him to counseling. the both of you go. also, look into a psychiatrist so he can get a proper diagnosis and get on some good meds. i go to counseling. it makes me feel better everytime i walk out of that office. depression and disorders can sometimes take awhile to go away even with help, but it's better to start now than later.
    dani2780

    Answer by dani2780 at 3:26 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • This is a serious question...how is your sex life? I found that my dh needs to feel needed. Men are sexual beings and a lot of times their happiness is directly tied to feeling wanted and needed. My dh is chronically depressed, always has been. He has been on all kinds of antidepressants and none of the really work for long. The thing that does work is SEX... :D the best thing is that it is free.
    I have been really concentrating on making my dh feel wanted and loved and he has been off all antidepressants for the past 9 months and he is felling better than ever. We have sex at least once a day and I am always telling how virile and sexy he is. I would think that it would get old after a while, but he just eats it up. Pm me if you would like to chat. Good luck.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 3:27 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • If you can't get him into counseling, contact Alanon
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:30 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • If he's willing I would try to get him into counseling or a psychaitrist to get a proper diagnosis. I was depressed for nearly 6 months, doing nothing but going to sleep and getting up and going to work. After a few months I went into a manic state where I drank and partied and eventually left my family. It was scary and took me 4 months to realize I was bipolar and to get some help.
    Sometimes people don't realize how bad it can get without proper help.
    Be supportive, continue to let him know how important he is to you, and definitely stay on guard and be concerned.
    Anti-depressents can definitely help, I wouldn't be where I am now without the proper diagnosis.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:35 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • For one, you can tell him the money he spends on alcohol can go toward bills. Depression is nasty. Keep him busy (moving around). Movement helps depression. Find things to do together that doesn't cost anything. Tell him to work on a budget and remind him there is a recession so it's not just him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:27 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Tell him that we all fail at times, but that does not make us failures. The only failures are those to refuse to keep trying to get it right. Also, tell him that you know the best days are still ahead. Find specific things to show him that are better now than when you married him. That may take some thinking, but you can come up with some things. He needs to know that his wife is still in his corner, believing in him. So encourage him every way you can think of. Brag to him and in his presence with others about the good things he does and says. Also, look for hidden anger. Who does he really blame for his failings? Anger turned inward equals depression. Encourage him to express whatever anger he may have been suppressing. Tell him that you won't think any less of him if he spews a little venom. Men have a greater tendency to keep their feelings on the inside and they, too, need a good vent once in a while.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:55 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Read the book "Depression is Contagious" It is a good book. Also he should see a counselor..if he doesn't want to get on over the counter meds get him samE and a good men's vitamin. Get him to go walking with you. It is hard but to get him motivated to do something new you will have to take initiative. If he refuses then you will have to tell him honestly that if he wants to be and stay that way then you have a serious relatioship problem. You can't fix him so don't take on more than what you can handle or you will become depressed.
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 9:52 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Hun, I am so sorry things are bad now, remind him that he is not the only one with financial problems, we are all in the same boat to some degree. Make him see how his depression affects everyone around him, including his children, having pity parties does not solve anything. Ask him to count his blessings and how his drinking will eventually destroy it all. I agree with talking to a psycologist or getting him anti depressant medication, although I don't think that combined with alcohol is very safe. I wish I had the right answer for you, but you will all be in my prayers for a resolution soon, hang in there, hugs!
    older

    Answer by older at 11:23 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Don't say that to him...it will cause it to be worse. He needs to hear how his choices affect you and the family but putting it that way will not work. Plus, until he is able to see things differently talking to him won't change it. In fact, he probably won't even listen to you. Take action, men respond to action more so than talking things out. He can't answer for why he is doing what he is doing. But why action he can start to make changes. Remember all behaviour is purposeful behavior.
    IzzeAddy

    Answer by IzzeAddy at 8:37 AM on Dec. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN