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Unconditional Love - Your Thoughts?

My husband and I have had a very rocky relationship the past few years, this year it exploded. I take responsibility for my actions in the dissolution of our marriage, however he does not currently believe he has any fault.
We are going to counseling now (after I've been out of the house for 7 months) to work on things. However I'm still having a hard time feeling as though I really love him. I think I've always felt that love is a feeling not a conscience action.
I told our counselor I don't believe in unconditional love (lots of reasons why), that the only unconditional love is that of a mother to child (and not even in all cases) or my dog loves me unconditionally.
She told me that unconditional love is learned...still don't buy it.
What do you think of unconditional love - is it learned?
I mean absolutely no conditions; cheating, murder, stealing, divorce, do you/could you love your spouse unconditionally?

 
blessedwboysx3

Asked by blessedwboysx3 at 3:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,897 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • To me unconditional love is between parents and children, blood family. People you have to love. You choose to love a spouse, so it has conditions. Does that make sense? Love, true (spousal) love is loving someone through their faults, but because it is a spouse, we have conditions, we need things from them in return for our love. With our children we love them no matter what with no thought of getting anything in return. I don't think you learn unconditional love, simply because it is either something you have or something you don't have.
    With a spouse, it seems more like we all have a list of things we can't handle. Its different for everyone. Like my list is cheating, drugs and hurting my children. Those are my conditions, my husband can't do those things or I leave. Because he's my husband then he should accept that. Just like I accept his list. I hope what I'm trying to say is making sense, its 3:20am so I'm fuzzyheaded
    Tes...Jacksmami

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 6:23 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I do not think unconditional love has any thing to do with a spouse. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents,sons, daughter, people like that. Who know matter what they do you will love them. Maybe not like what they do. But still love them. I believe in soul matted, with husbands and wifes.

    With your DH. If you do not love him anymore, do not get back together with him. If the feeling is not their do not force it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:02 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • yes I believe in it, If my DH were to cheat on me it would end our marriage I am just that type of woman but it wouldnt end my love for him I know that i would probably go to my grave loving him but it does not mean i have to accept being treated badly and stay with him KWIM. I do think it is learned, just as trust and forgiveness are learned.

    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 4:02 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • No after time if the person continues to do bad things you'll eventually fall out of love with them
    heartfrommyson

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 4:03 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I believe unconditional love is something out of a Hallmark movie. I've seen parents turn on children bc they didn't live their life the way they thought they should so even parent/child relationships can be conditional. I've not experienced unconditional love of a man either.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:25 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I don't believe in it for a spouse, no, especially if one side constantly takes advantage of the other. If one side does all the work with the parenting and house, etc. Love fades in that kind of situation. I have unconditional love for my children but I know not all parents do.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • "I believe unconditional love is something out of a Hallmark movie. "
    Admckenzie - This is how I feel too for the most part.

    I suppose a lot of it has to do with how I was raised, the people in my life and the things I've been through, but for the life of me I can not wrap my head around unconditional love. I agree that even some parents don't love unconditionally. I know that I love my kids unconditionally - they could do nothing to cause me to never love them ever. They could be murders, rapists, child molestors, hobos...I don't care I will love them, I may not like what they do but I will love them.

    As far as men go, I understand what 3RingCircus is saying you can love some one but not accept their behavior. However I know that if my husband ever emotionally, mentally or physically hurt my children, there would be no love in my heart for him. (Well what little bit is left)
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Of course i believe in it, I live it everyday.

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8

    Maybe you do not know how to truely allow yourself to love. You have to let yourself be vulnerable & open your arms to it. If you are closed, then you will never find unconditional love. Unconditional love only finds those that also love unconditionally. So, maybe that kind of love does not exist for you, but it certainly does for others :-)
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:41 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Unconditional love means you love that person with no conditions. Maybe my relationship is hallmark, but we do share this kind of love with eachother. It's wonderful.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:45 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Unconditional love is a choice. It is impossible to always feel loving. We get hurt, angry, disappointed, frustrated, and it is during those times that we choose to do and say loving things, even though we may not feel love at the moment. It is impossible to feel loving at all times toward anybody, including one's children, parents, or siblings. Yet, we choose to love them. I've been married to my husband for almost 45 years, and I assure you that we have both had many times when we did not feel very loving toward each other, but we made a committment when we married, and we have both been determined to see it through. The good news is that when we continue to do and say loving things, even when we don't feel it, the feelings will soon return. The magic is recaptured. After a few years of that, we know that the feelings will return so acting out the love becomes more and more easy to do, and the love is growing as well
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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