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he is changing ...ever sicne we got married....

my husband and i have only been married for 2 months, and he is getting very...controlling? he is fighting with my step dad for talking to me. pulling me away from friends. he had me delete every guy i know from my computer and my phone (even male cousins) because he says he doesnt know them and all my guy friends want to F**k me...he gets pissed when i want to take a shower when i find out i am going somewhere because he says i am trying to look good for someone. i have done nothing to make him act this way. nothing has ever happened. and he didnt start getting this way until i married him. he wont even let me go out with my mother. out to eat or anything becasue he says he knows her and she will get me to do something i will regret. i told him i wanted to go to the beach with my cousin and he said no if i walk out that door i better not come back... help. please?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I was in a relationship with a controlling man. It lead to abuse, not saying your situation will lead to this but if he is cutting you off from friends and more importantly family, leave him. It won't get better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Thank you for answering.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • That is not right. You need to either check him or leave him. Let my husband tell me to delete anyone of my friends or family. And I dare you tell me I can't hang out at the beach with my cousin or go eat with my mother. And not to talk to my step father. That is ridiculous. Leave him or tell him how it is going to be. You let him start controlling you it will get worse.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 5:10 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I've never been in this kind of situation, but it does not sound safe to me.
    You could attempt to tell him how this makes you feel, and try to understand his side of the situation. However if he's not willing to give you you're freedom this is not a relationship you should be in. Cutting you off from friends and especially family would be a huge red flag to me. It doesn't sound to me that he would even be willing to change or that he cares at all how you feel, if that's the case I don't think it can get better.

    Good luck.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:15 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • i have tried to tell him how i feel about it. and told him it is rediculous but then he will keep going about how
    " i have more experience on life, tell me im wrong." HE IS WRONG.

    i did not get married to a child. and that is how i am starting to feel.
    i dont want to be controlled i dont want to have to obey him like a dog.

    i married him, and now i feel stuck and there is nothing i can do.
    but thank you for your advice and i am sorry for venting.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Get both of you into couples therapy if he doesn't walk out that door and don't look back.These are classic signs of an abuser early on.Unless your mom encourages drugging and sleeping around he is attempting to isolate you from support or help.The male cousins just continue the same story.Think about this if he had a female relative you had not met would you make him delete her.When he isolates you and then the abuse starts you will feel less connected to others .He can't control them which is why doesn't want them in your life.Before I was a SAHM I worked in this field.If you can get to a library or friends computer,he can't check up on,google characteristics of abusive relationships.You will learn a lot.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • i feel for you..i been through the same thing get out while the gettin is good dont wait til ten years later and you are so beat down you cant even get out of bed in the morning

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • "i married him, and now i feel stuck and there is nothing i can do." I don't know your situation, but believe me you are never stuck. There are people to help you, family, friends, shelters... Can you arrange to stay with family or friends? How long ago were married, can you look into an annulment to save yourself from an expensive divorce?

    If you don't have a job currently - what are your skills? Mayb you can find something part-time (retail)

    You have options I promise you, you just have to think about who is there to support you. I know many of us want the fairytale - happy ending - prince charming - never ending love....but sometimes that just doesn't happen. Don't loose yourself, your strength and your courage for a man that disrespects you and obviously doesn't care about you.

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, its hard when you love someone and then they treat you this way.


    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:31 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I have been in this situation and my only regret looking back is that I didn't get out sooner. I was afraid of all the I told you so's from family and friends and wanted my son to have his father in his life. But I would say if it is that bad for you now, it will only get worse. My ex didn't start out as bad as yours sounds, which really makes me worry for you. He worked me away from my friends and family and then starting getting abusive. I wouldn't stay if I were you. I told myself every day that it would get better, he would change. We would have a "talk" about everything and he would cry and then I would think it was all worked out. But sure enough 4 days later we were back to where we were, and things kept getting worse and worse. If you need someone to talk to, you can message me any time. Will keep you in my thoughts.....

    Answer by ButterflyMeli at 6:01 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • girl what r u waiting for leave his ass!!!! i was with a controlling man and it did turn to abuse. sorry to say that to u but most controlling men turn to abuse. and i think the best thing to do is get out asap!!! r there any kids involved?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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