Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


My 4yo twins, a boy and a girl, are always fighting. I can't get them to be quite, not even for a while! Every time I turn around they are in some kind of new trouble. It's like they're trying to invent new ways to kill each other!!! I have no idea what I should do with them. Time out doesn't work, punishment doesn't work, me yelling my guts out doesn't work... What should I do?

Answer Question

Asked by Kristinejs at 5:09 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (2)
  • Learn new parenting skills. Take classes. Go to a conference. I'm always amazed moms think time-outs, punishments, yelling, and spanking are the only things there are to do! There are so many other things.

    Reading books is the easiest. Love & Limits is a small, practical, problem solving book written by Elizabeth Crary. She has a website called Star Parenting. You can find some info there including a parenting chart you can print and put on the fridge. This book or other books by this woman can change your life.

    Authoritative parenting is the most effective style of parenting. You can do a google search and do more reading. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen is a good book and some public libraries have the group course on tape available.

    Almost always when kids are not behaving it is because of lack of parenting skills not because they are bad kids. Good luck.

    Answer by Gailll at 5:20 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • It sounds like you've tried the authoritative parenting and it isn't working.See if you can see what is triggering the inappropriate behavior. Kids just need to know what is expected of them and what is ok and what isn't.Try to be as consistent as possible. When you get a moment to think, and I know they are hard to come by some days, but see if you can make a list of what is expected of your kids.At 4 years old they are able to understand right from wrong.Sit them down literally, and tell them what you are seeing and how things are going to change.Let them know what the consequences are going to be. Toys removed, privileges taken away, etc...Each time something goes haywire, and it will, try not to use the word don't.Like say, we only use gentle hands in our house, remind them of the consequence and do it. Get your partner, husband, whoever on board with you. They are trying to see if no really means no.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 7:07 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.