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A little confused...

ok, long story, found out my dh cheated, he was sorry, said he would do anything to prove to me that he's changed and wants to work on our marriage. I told him that i'd give him a second chance but I'm not moving back in w/ him until he gets his shit together (he has issues w/ financial matters too). He's making changes but they are slow and not enough. He's still fucking up sometimes and his job isn't constant. Anywho in the mist of this an old ex contacted me via facebook on thanksgiving and we talked. I made sure to tell him I was married and working on my marriage; he is in the middle of a divorce b/c his wife cheated on him (strange coincidence). Our history runs deep together, he was my 1st, we were suppose to get married but I wasn't ready. He told me that he never stopped loving me and I'm like, am I missing out on a great guy if I choose to stay w/ dh and he ends up lying and cheating again? (cont'd)


Asked by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Some one once told me that "People eventually settle rather than continuing on the journey to find the next best thing (person)"
    I don't know if that's really true but sounds a little bit like me. My husband was lazy, dirty, selfish and I eventually got tired of being the one responsible for everything.
    I started cheating, its not right but I did it. This eventually lead to me falling for a guy that was absolutely no good for me, but I was blinded by my feelings and not the reality of the situation.
    I think that you are in a vulnerable state right now, with the hurt of your spouse cheating and the uncertainity of the future.
    The situation is harder if kids are involved, but if not you have the freedom to move on without hurting them in the process.
    I feel if you still love your spouse, you should continue to put in the effort before throwing in the towel to know you did everything you could.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:39 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I mean, I love my husband dearly. My love for him is the strongest I've ever felt and I'm scared to let that go. But I don't want to waste my time dealing w/ bullshit. The ex has his shit together and I do have that love for him even though it's not as strong as my love for dh. I guess my question is what would you do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Well, to be brutally honest, I'd sleep w/him, not tell DH and continue to work on my marriage. I"m the kind of person who needs my revenge.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • ummm...yeah. it's not about sex or revenge... i'm not a hoe like you anon 5:33

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • How can you bash your husband when your thinking of the same thing he did? You say you love your husband but would you be missing out on something good. Knowing good and damn well that this long lost love of yours is only on the rebound looking for a good time not a committment and we all know it. You either fix your marriage or leave. But don't think that this man who married another women still has the love for you. You both are going through a tough time and want affection from somewehre.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 5:39 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • i think i would hold off on working on the marriage...tell him you need time....and start seeing the other guy if you two connect then id tell ur husband you want a divorce....maybe he is your soule mate....remember things happen for a reason and theres a reason hes back in your life ;)

    Answer by mama2my2boys at 5:41 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • op-
    suzyb I would never cheat on my husband no matter how much he hurt me. I would cut all ties before doing that. but you are right. Me and him are in vulnerable states right now. I did not seek him, he sought out me. And i do feel guilt that I did hold a convo w/ him. I did not tell him I loved him back b/c honestly the love that I did have for him is gone. Thank you for your response.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • You are not living with dh so check it out with the former bf. That should make dh work harder at winning you back. You can get a man's attention when there is competition! Find out which man is right for you. I don't think it's cheating when you are separated especially if dh isn't taking this seriously and trying to fix things.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:21 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

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