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Commitment Phobes

So when a man says they are "afraid to get hurt", and have a hard time moving on with you because their first wife hurt them so bad by divorcing them, what's the best thing to do: Stick it out? or Move on?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • If you love that man, stick it out. Surely over time he won't feel that way anymore.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Depends on how you feel about him, and if you think he'll eventually get past it. Some men use that as an excuse to avoid getting close and developing a real relationship with you. Does he give indications that he wants more? Does he sound sincere when he says that he's afraid of getting hurt? What exactly happened with the wife? Is it something that you can try to reassure him that you won't do it?

    My boyfriend was afraid of getting hurt. He was afraid to tell me when he fell in love with me b/c he was afraid I'd hurt him, even though he knew that I felt the same way about him. I would have stuck with him no matter how long it took, simply b/c I love him and I knew, even before he told me that he loved me. I would have waited for him to get past his issues, b/c he's worth it to me.

    But if you think he is just using it as an excuse or that he'll never get past it, then it may be best to move on. Good luck, either way!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:25 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • There is a book about commitaphobes. If you are willing to just hang out in his life then it can work but if you are wanting marriage and a house with a picket fence, I'd seriously not hold my breath


    Answer by admckenzie at 12:19 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • So if that same man is someone who doesn't believe in joint bank accounts, doesn't believe in doing laundry together, doesn't want to have any more kids with you(had one with first wife), AND you've been dating for 3 years already, what would you think of that picture? (from op)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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