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Did marriage counseling really save your marriage?

My husband and I have been married for over 3 yrs, we have a 1yr old baby boy and we fight all the time. He will even scream and get mad at me sometimes in front of the baby. We have been extremely rude towards one another and there is no mutual respect left. He even burst out and told one of our close friends all my family dynamics and secrets and called my mother all sorts of names, calling her a monster, calling me a psycho woman, that he regrets ever getting married to me & then he said that our son was an accident (whereas it was planned), that all our problems are b/c I won't take responsibility for what I say or things that I promise. I've been a single mom for the past 14 months, since he hardly helps. He has put the baby to sleep 5 times perhaps in 14 months, given him his bath twice, fed him perhaps 5-8 times. I can't stand this, I want to be alone, but I know it's tough. Also, we work full time together. counseling?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Nov. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I say get some counseling, be sure and check out the counselor first, some of them are inclined to say you need to get a divorce from pretty much the get go. If you have a church you go to I would suggest talking to them first and seeing who they recommend. I have seen counseling work wonders for couples, so I say go for it and see if it helps.

    Answer by finallyamom40 at 10:33 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • I've seen it work wonders also in much the same situation you are in. Constant screaming and fighting...both wanting to leave...and now they are happy. Nothing is hopeless, it just takes change and hard work on both parts. If you are both willing a marriage can overcome almost anything.

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 10:42 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • Counseling can work only if you both want it to. Couples know how to push each others buttons, you chose to be rude because you often want a reaction good or bad especially when you are feeling shut out. Counseling may be able to help push the reset button and send you guys to the corner to think about some things and maybe give insight into the other persons perspective. My husband and I have been married almost 3 years and have a 2 year old. All we did was fight our 1st year; it was draining. We have since learned how to fight fair and shed some light on our individual way of thinking. The one thing I have learned is that unspoken expectations (the baby should be a 50/50 effort) breed resentment and as well he has and is entitled to his own perspective. Just as you have your side, he has his and you have to respect that whatever it is and he has to do the same - genuine love and respect will get you through anything

    Answer by 1st_LadyD at 10:50 PM on Nov. 30, 2009

  • give me a friggin break. SINGLE MOM? you have no clue what being a single mom is all about. At least he helped you. He's there to help you pay bills. He's there to help you get out of the house safe with your child if the house burns down or if someone breaks in. u r a whining immature baby. single mom my eye. u need to be grateful 4 what u have and quit complaining about what u don't have.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Whether counseling saves your marriage or not, it will be beneficial. My ex and I went to counseling (someone recommended by my church). When she saw how controlling and demeaning he was to me, she recommended I get out and she helped me to that end - as far as teaching me how to set up boundaries in my relationships so it didn't happen again. So it didn't save my marriage, but it was helpful.

    Answer by missanc at 8:31 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Yes. Twice.

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:52 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I've seen it save marriages of friends of mine. I got my ex-husband to go to counseling, and after several sessions the counselor sat us both down and told us our marriage was never going to work!! Guess what? She was right, we ended up divorcing less than 2 years later anyway. But give it a try because some marriages can be saved.

    Answer by TarLion at 6:35 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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