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Is your dh insecure (sometimes)?

Well when we first met I wasn't sure if I wanted to b with him (bc he had kids) long story short we got married and everything is perfect except he is a jealous person I hate it bc I can naturally be looking around just talking to him and just bc he sees a decent good looking guy he says I am looking at him.(Man that just makes me so mad I start to get a big knot in my stomach) like damn here we go again. I just tell him your dumb for thinking that and stop feeling insecure do somethng about it if it bothers you that much. I just hate for it to go to this. He mad I'm mad all bc of him.
C'mon men look at beautiful ladies...he says but I only have eyes for you yeah right maybe but we are only human. Not to mention maybe I did look but I did not mean nothing by it you know ladies sometimes our eyes tend to slip alittle to the side...lol
I would never do anything to jeapordize our marriage and kids. thanks ladies and help!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Dec. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I don't know what to tell you hun. I couldn't be with a man like that. I'm a flirt by nature and I have no problem admitting that YES I look. I'm married not dead. I know hub looks because he will sometimes point them out to me saying something silly like "I'd let you bring her home" lol. But we are both very secure in our marriage. Your only bet would be to remind him that his personal insecurities have NOTHING to do with you, so to please not take them out on you.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:41 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Well, he's not my husband just yet, but, here's my two cents....yes, my boyfriend gets a little insecure, but not like that. It's more like he'll just suddenly have this thought that I might stop loving him and leave him, or I'll get bored and leave, or I'll cheat. Not b/c I look at someone else. Actually, I tend to not look when he's around, or if I do, I'm super discreet about it and he doesn't notice (not saying you aren't discreet). He also realizes that those thoughts are ridiculous and he knows that I love him and I won't leave him. He's also figured out that if he's just honest with me and tells me how he's feeling, I will reassure him that I love him, I'm happy with him, and I don't want or need anyone other than him. Then things are fine again. If he doesn't realize that he's being silly, then it sounds like more than just insecurity and more like he doesn't trust you, which is a bigger issue.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:58 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I've been with guys like that before and couldn't stand it. My DH now is actually the opposite, he thinks it's great when I tell him that so-and-so was checking me out at the store. It seems to give him an ego boost, that he's married to a milf, which is what he says I am. Yeah yeah, whatever......lol
    JustAMom2008

    Answer by JustAMom2008 at 10:34 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • My mom always said "I can browse the merchendise, but that doesn't mean I'm buying the product." It doesn't matter if you intentionally looked or not, you can appriciate a good looking person. Guy or girl. That doesn't mean you're going to jump their bones the second you get the chance. Your husband needs to admit that he does it too, and that he is just as much human as you are. If he feels soo insecure about you looking at other guys (intentionally or not) then that is a problem with him. He has the insecurity and you should not be held accountable for it. If you're not cheating on him physically or emotionally, then he has to realize he has nothing to worry about. He needs to own up to his insecurity and work on bettering it. It seems to me that he doesn't feel like he's good enough for you, or adds up to what other guys look like. Again, that's on him and he needs to admit to it and work through it.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I was like that when I first got with my now husband, and I've learned it only hurts the relationship and causes a lot of unnecessary fights. Seeing how I've been in his situation, my advice to him is really, he just needs to let it go and learn to deal with it. It has been a major relief for our marriage since I quit being so insecure when a pretty girl caught my husband's attention. I've learned that I'm not the prettiest thing out there, and he has to come to terms with that too, that there's going to be attractive men out there. Remind him that looks are not of any importance. Really, there not that important. Not nearly as important as having someone who loves, respects, and treats you good, or someone with a great personality. The "inner" person is SO much more valuable than the outer appearance. I really don't care anymore what my DH sees now, and it's much easier that way, because I know he's human and he has eyes.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Continued from above.....I see the pretty girls, so why should I flip out if my DH sees them too? I bet your DH looks at women too, and if he says he doesn't he's full of it. Tell him it's NOT worth the trouble, coming from someone who has been in his situation. I can tell that my husband has so much more love toward me since I've gotten over my insecurity. I can't blame him for not liking that side of me, it only caused trouble. We get along so much better now, and I'd rather him think I'm a great wife more than anything, and being jealous, controlling, and insecure isn't so great.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Oh yea, and I have something else. Ask your DH this. Does he look at nice looking cars? Furniture? Guns? etc. I'm sure he does, and so does everyone else in this world. You stick a brand new Corvette beside an old, ragged Ford Escort, you can bet people are going to check out the Corvette. What's the difference in looking at someone attractive and looking at something attractive? It's just looks. When you decorate your house, you're going to look for the good looking furniture, paint colors, Tv's etc. You're going to notice the nice furniture, it's just natural to.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

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