Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help me! My stepson needs our help.

This is going to be long so bare with me. My stepson is eight years old. He's always gotten in trouble for not doing his homework, not listening, getting out of his seat, playing with his hair and cussing at school. I've told my husband time and time again that he has ADD. I don't want to go into all of the details, but he has so many signs of it, and he was always saying that I didn't know what I was talking about and I was just being hateful about his son. (Which is not true.) So my SS teacher calls the BM and tells her that she can tell that he has ADD and they need to put him on meds because his grades have fallen so quit so fast that he won't pass the third grade. My SS BM said NO WAY! That she'd never put that child on any medication because it causes suicidal thoughts when in reality, my husband thinks that she's just worried about being embarressed around her other friends who's kids are fine.... Continued....

Answer Question

Asked by PeytonsMom21109 at 10:09 AM on Dec. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • So anyways.. My husband is too much of a chicken to stand up and do whats right for him. He's too scared of his ex to try and get the child some help. I told my husband that if she nor him would get him the help that he deserved to have, that I would call CPS on them because it's not fair to my SS. I'm so scared for my SS. He has such low self esteem already and the getting in trouble and getting bad grades is making it so much worse. Then the BM's mother continues to tell him that the teacher just hates him and he's not the one being bad. (which isn't the case either) He knows he's doing wrong but people keep making excuses for him and why he does things so he never has to accept responsibility for his actions. It's just really confusing and I hate that he's going through all this. IS there anything that I can do to make sure that my SS gets the meds he needs? He's going downhill so fast.

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I started answering before part 2 was posted.

    There are things you can do with diet and physical activity to help ease ADD and ADHD. There is a group of education centers called The Brain Balance Center. See if one is in your area.

    There are drug free options you can try first. I doubt anyone would accuse you of being "mean" to him by suggesting you try an after-school class like what The Brain Balance Center offers. It's a phys-ed class that helps regular biochemistry! Worst case, he gets more exercise.

    There are sugar free diets that can help kids a lot too. Research it. I know you are trying to be a good parent.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:14 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I would do those things if he lived here, but he's only here from Thursday night or Friday until Sunday. So we aren't responsible for his eating habits. I've asked about doing an after school care, but the BM is insisting that he just isn't smart and is now getting him a tutor from 3 til 6. So that's mroe school and I fear that this decision will make him hate school even more if he has to do it for another few hours. She says she is doing it so that she won't have to help with his homework when he gets home.. I don't know though what the exact reason is behind it.

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 10:16 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I hate to say this, but you have no reason to call CPS nor is it your decision how these problems are handled. You can't tell his BM what to do. If she is putting him in tutoring, then she is doing her best to deal with the situation. I don't want to downplay your concern or upset you in saying this because I think it's wonderful that you care about him and you are taking an interest in his future. If you are truly concerned about ADD, it might be beneficial to read some books or take some classes on how to deal with him appropriately as children with ADD think differently. Use this approach to intervene as much as you can without overstepping your boundaries.

    Answer by lowencope at 10:31 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • My grandson has ADD and he does after school tutoring and loves it. It has not made him hate school. They work with him and his condition so it's more fun than school. See if bm's idea works but I agree that his eating habits should be changed. NO sugar and gluten could be cut out too. You can do that on days he is with you to show mom there is a difference in him when he eats right.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:33 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • First of all, the signs of ADD and ADHD are common in young children. That doesn't mean, however, that the child actually has either of those disorders. You need to talk to your SS and ask why he's acting up, why he's not trying in school. There could be an underlying problem that could stem from his parents not being together, a bully at school, or something deeper. You need to first analyze the problem before you jump to diagnosing him with ADD. Too many children are wrongly diagnosed with ADD, and are put on medications that they don't need. Like I said, MANY (if not all) children have similar symptoms of ADD and ADHD, because those symptoms are that of a normal child.

    Try other tactics first. Cut out high sugar treats/drinks, get a good nights rest everynight, and stay active. ADD isn't the cureall for a disruptive child, and it's wrong to medicate a child who doesn't have the disorder.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:03 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Those meds do cause reactions especially in kids that young. You need to do your research on them first instead of jumping to putting him on dangerous narcotics. Once you put that kid on any type of ADD or ADHD med chances are they will always need it to function. Also, there are many cases where if you put him or her on one med there will have to be another med issued for a side effect of the first med. Eventually, this kid will be on three or four different meds for one thing that could've been handled by a diet or counseling. If he has low self esteem it's because of a psychological issue, not always just because he has ADD.
    Oh and where did you get your medical degree? ADD is often mis-diagnosed and it's often something else.
    CPS can't force a parent to put their child on meds, either. And you are not his parent so I would stay out of it if I were you.
    But really, do research before you shove meds down this kids throat

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 4:05 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Sadly there is no way to make them medicate him. It is a parent's choice. My ss was diagnosed with severe ADHD 2 years ago and has done very well on the meds. There are drawbacks to it too though. The meds have made him small, he's as tall and weighs as much as his 4 year old sister and he's 7. There's also the whole finding the right dose too his has been changed at least 8 times. Luckily his father and I are in charge of the medicine, his mother has chosen not to have a say, her only request is it not be Ritalin. Diets work, and you could try counseling. The tutoring thing is more laid back and fun and may actually help him. Give him time to adjust.

    Answer by naivemom at 5:00 PM on Dec. 10, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.