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my 19 y/o niece is preggo again... she has a 18month old little boy that she dosen't want and now is thinking about abortion. i got mad at her and asked why no condoms and all that but...agner aside, how do i help her NOT kill the baby? i told her to put it up for adoption (i'd take it if i could but i just had a baby and have a 3y/o too) please help me help her


Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Dec. 1, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Perhaps you can find an agency in your area (there are many run by churchs and other groups) that can help the pregnant mom while she is expecting and can help her through the adoption process as well. There are so many people that would love dearly to have a baby that just cannot....if she can only hold out long enough, perhaps this could be a for the baby, and a major blessing to a couple unable to conceive. Definitely pray for her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Take her somewhere for an ultrasound so she can see the baby. They are surprisingly developed at a very early stage.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • show her pictures of aborted babies that have survived, they are real. maybe she is not fully informed about it, find stories of people that had wished they never did it, help her find adoption families to see the difference she can make in other people's lives along with adoption family stories maybe. she is going to do what she wants, sadly, but pray pray pray.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I think all you can do is talk to her, but ultimately, you can't force her.

    Answer by heatheryn at 10:37 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I wish I could help. I will say a prayer for your neice. I hope she makes the right decision.

    Answer by mommy2joeynabby at 10:38 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I think heatheryn is right. You can tell her how you feel, you can show her all the graphic images in the world, you can scream and yell until you are blue in the face... but in the end she has a legal right to do whatever she wants - regardless of the morality of that choice. I don't even know if the ultrasound will work since she's been through this all before, but I guess it's worth a shot.

    There has to be some other underlying problem with her that she is in this position again at her age. She sounds like she needs some serious counseling.

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:41 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I have a niece that got pregnant and my daughter wanted to adopt the baby and she said no. But she would of gotten a abortion if she had the money??

    She is NOT a good mother ( she had 3-kids) and I do wish she would of given the kids away. The kids are the one who suffer.

    But also my sister is not a good either my nieces mother and she would not let her give the baby up. But Abortion was Okay??
    Is her mother on your side about adoption? you can just point out how hard it is going to be and how much better of the child will be and she can move on.

    Good luck

    Answer by gammie at 10:48 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • she does need some counseling beckcorc, i'm the only positive influence in her life and wish i could be with her more often to keep her home with her son and not out sleeping around...he mother is an idiot and lets her go out and all that (yes she's living at home) i just don't understand how her mom could not care about her but love the grandchild to death ya know> idk what to do i'm trying to be there for her and i know i cna't make her not kill the baby but i want her to understnad what she'd actually be doing ya know?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I think the only thing you can really do is support her.
    I'm a birth mother and I think its important she understands both the pro's and con's of adoption (there are lots of groups here with all members of the triad to help provide answers). Adoption is no walk in the park, there is a grieving process, there are feelings of loss that can last a lifetime for some. (Feel free to read some of my journals regarding my feelings of loss and sadness) I'm a happy person but there are times it hits and it really does hurt. Its not easy. I would recommend parenting first.
    Try to help her find resources to help her support her baby, temporary assistance through the state, she's entitled to child support, offer assistance w/baby sitting, provide hand me down clothes, necessities she may need. Help her to understand having a baby is difficult but rewarding, that she is capable and strong enough to raise her child.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:52 AM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Have you thought about taking her in for the short term?

    I have a nephew who is 15 and he is on a bad road, expelled from school, smoking, drugs, alcohol. He has a probation officer. His parents are both horrible to him. Its ridiculous how they let this get out of hand, his mother even buys his alcohol and cigarettes. She let him ditch school 60 days out of the first semester and she is also ruining her daughter (My brother and his mother are divorced)

    I have not been able to take him in because of my other children - I can't have that influence. I do make efforts to spend time with him when I can. I wish I could take him in, easier said then done however.
    A positive influence like yourself would do wonders. I've found with children, taking to them like adults, helping them focus on the future in a positive way and helping them understand the positives in making changes for themselves can be useful.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:57 AM on Dec. 1, 2009