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Am I being unreasonable? Parents haven't seen baby since August.

So I live in a neighboring state from my parents. It's a 1 hr flight and they have not seen my child since August (I flew there for my mom's 50th b-day). They both have good jobs and make good money. They won't see her until Christmas when we go there for 1 week. It's my first kid. My older sister has 3 kids and lives about 2 miles away from them, so they're always with her. My younger sister is in school but is constantly being babied by them (she's 23!). I"m the middle child and am beginning to resent how little effort they've made to come and see my child or spend time with us. My mom came out for 1 week after I had her, but my dad hasn't been here since she was born. Luckily my in-laws live nearby, but would it kill my parents to care a little more? Am I being unreasonable? LIke I said, finances are not an issue for them, nor is time off. Do I need to come out and tell them it bothers me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Dec. 1, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • It also sort of sounds like they're used to you being the "independent one." You moved away from them, you support yourself, you are generally not as needy so maybe they just got used to that and don't realize that now that you have a baby you are feeling that need for a family connection. They're used to their understanding of you and don't realize that something has changed.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 2:19 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • You are a grown woman with a family, not a little girl who needs constant attention anymore. Stop acting like one. They have a life. They see the child enough when you come visit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • If you want the situation to change, you need to say something. They are never going to know that they are doing wrong by you if you don't tell them. I don't think your being unreasonable...although my mom is like obsessed with seeing my son several times a week so I don't really know what you're going through lol but still. I do think its kind of crappy that they haven't seen him since August if they easily could have. Tell them how you feel.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 2:11 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Cont...my husband and I do pretty well for ourselves. We have never asked them for money or anything. Up until now, I"ve been ok with feeling like I get no attention from them-- my sisters need it more, I get that. But hello! It's their grandkid, shouldn't they want to see her? I have asked them to come out several times, but they always say 'we'll see' or 'your sister can't be alone on Thanksgiving.' I always come see them-- for birthdays, holidays, etc. Every vacation at work is used up visiting them. So far my mom has sent 1 package for my daughter and that's it! I'm not saying I need their stuff or $$ because we don't, but it just seems like they don't care!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I didn't realize wanting my parents to see my child more than once every 6 mos. is needing 'constant attention.' You're a miserable person anon, probably with no family or a shitty home life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Please don't take this the wrong way but... if you moved away then you should have expected this. It's not their fault that you are so far away. I am sure they miss you like crazy and I understand that it hurts to not be closer to them, but try not to drive the wedge even deeper by making a purely physical (distance) issue into an emotional one too. You can't expect your parents to shell out all that money for a flight and miss time at work to come and visit you every three months. You're the one who moved away, why haven't you been back there since August? It goes both ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • How do you know they make good money? Yeah they have good jobs but that hardly means anything when you add in taxes, bills, living expenses, etc. I seriously doubt that they would admit it to you if they were having problems especially if they've always lived well-to-do. Also, they're getting older, they're health probably isn't what it used to be and that probably makes traveling far too much of a hassle.

    I understand the jealousy and the hurt feeling, but if you want attention like your sister and her kids get then you need to be more accessible by living closer and such.
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 2:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I haven't been there because I work full-time and have a 9 mos. old! I used up all my vacation time going to see them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I do think that's true beckcorc. I am the only one to have moved out of the state. For a while I lived on the other side of the country, but now that I have a baby, I guess I"m just more worried about her relationship with them, not even my own neediness. I have always been the most independent sibling, but I think part of that is natural for middle children, we get lost in the shuffle sometimes!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • If you havent told them what your feeling like you cant hold it against them. If you smile in their faces and arent letting on to the fact you miss them and wish they were more involved they cant read your mind. If it is possible to see you guys more im sure they would love to if you make it known that you wish they would come!!!! Now that being said, if you tell them, and it would be possible but nothing changes then you would be allowed to be resentful IMO.
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 2:27 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

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