Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 kids...2 different men??

i am currently dating someone who i dated 4 years ago, we fell in love but broke up for reasons id rather not discuss. i never got over him, he never got over me. i started dating someone 3 years ago and him and i have an 19 month old together. we recently broke up about 3 months ago and i started dating my ex. weve been exclusive for about a month and he is absolutly in love with me. problem is, im not sure how i feel about him or being serious in a relationship. i pride myself in the fact that i am a single mother making it on my own without my ex. well saturday i found out that i am pregnant again with my current boyfriends child. he wants to keep the baby but i dont. the thought of being a mother of 2 scares me. not to mention i would have 2 kids with 2 different men and i dont see a future for me and my boyfriend it was pretty much just about sex. is it terrible that i am considering an abortion??

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Dec. 1, 2009 in Pregnancy

Answers (16)
  • Wow...ummm....I'm not sure what to say here. I have things I'd say, but I can't think of any way to word them that won't sound as though I'm bashing you, which would not be my intention at all.

    I guess I'll go with this...I am a single mom to 2 kids. My divorce was finalized when my youngest was 20 days old. It is not the easiest thing in the world, but it is not the worst either. You can do it, if you want to. So, if your only reason for considering abortion is that you think you can't do it, don't let that be your deciding factor.

    As for the boyfriend and not seeing a future with him....just b/c you aren't together doesn't mean he wouldn't be an active father playing a role in his child's life.

    Priding yourself on being a single mom...that's a great thing. I feel the same way. But I also know that one day they will grow up...con't

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:12 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • to have their own lives and their own families, and what will I have then? I have a really wonderful boyfriend that I see a great future with, and although I am proud as hell of the fact that I have spent the last 6 yrs raising my boys on my own and doing what I and everyone I know thinks is a pretty great job of it, I still would love the chance to call my boyfriend my husband and have his help in raising them the rest of the way. He can teach them things that I, as a woman, cannot, or at least cannot without it being awkward and/or difficult. He can show them how a man should treat a woman, something that if I am single they will only know about based on what I tell them, and a living example is so much better.

    Just some things to consider as you try to make this decision. And NONE of that was intended to bash, so if it came across that way, please accept my apology. :)

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:14 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Thats a personal decision only you can make. If you dont see a future, no matter how good the sex is, dont you think you owe it to yourself to find someone who you want to be with forever?

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 5:16 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Why not let the father of the child have custody of the baby?

    I don't, personally, believe in abortion, but I do believe in the individual right to choose. The thing that I completely disagree with is this......why does the father not have a right to the child? I understand that as a woman you would have to endure the pregnancy and the labor, but to just take a man's opportunity to be a father to his child away from him just like that is beyond selfish. You have options other than abortion. You both willingly had sex without the use of BC (or maybe it failed, you didn't mention). He didn't force you or rape you, he loves you and would love your child. If you don't want to be a mother again, fine, but this could be this man's only child. Why doesn't a man have any rights in this situation? Let a man that wants to be a Daddy have his baby, for crying out loud!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • You said you were in love with him at one time...

    Got news for you, you were never in love with him. It was always about sex. True love does not fade away.

    I think you should consider his feelings's his child too. You chose to have sex with him, you got pregnant. Maybe have the baby and sign your rights over to him?

    Is this guy still with you? If he is, he is pathetic. He should gain some self respect. You obviously don't appreciate him one bit.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • i didnt know things had gotten so serious with us until we found out i was pregnant and then he was all about being with me forever and getting married one day. i havnt told him anything because i dont know if i actually feel this way or if im just aggitated because im pregnant. i think my hormones are making me crazy already. and i did love him, i dont think i was in love with him. and i dont believe that loves last forever anyways. ive watched too many peoples hearts break when they were "in love" its bullshit

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I'm really getting tired of girls/women who think they can go have sex, get pregnant with a kid they don't even want, and then just abort it. Don't be so selfish... it took both of you to make this baby and both of you should have a say in what happens to the baby. Also, there are plenty of people out there who can't have kids of their own and would love to adopt... WHY would your first thought be to KILL your own child before you even consider giving it up for adoption or letting the father have custody?!!!

    Answer by JenMarie2007 at 5:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • if he wants the baby why dont you give it to him and give up your rights. If you didnt want anymore kids you shouldnt have been having sex. i think you are being very selfish. Usually abortion doesnt bother me but just because you dont want to have 2 babies daddys...keep your legs closed

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:02 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Having two kids by two different men isnt the end of the world. Im working on three kids by two different men. I becaome pregnant at 17 and the father of my oldest never stuck around. I found DH and we fell in love, then we had our second child, soon to have a third. I dont know where this issue with multiple dads came from but its ridiculous. It only makes women feel worse about having children. If you are mainly worried about having two kids by two different men then its probably not a good reason for an abortion. But if you dont think you can properly care for this baby or that the father wont be able to either then its a good reason to abort in my book. There doesnt need to be another suffering child on this earth.

    Answer by momie_of_munch2 at 6:24 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Your shame is no reason to abort. Carry this child and give it to him when it is born. Since you plan on having any more children, since they will have a different father if you ever do get married, Get your tubes tied and then have all the random sex you want.

    Answer by khedy at 6:31 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.