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Would you allow your child to go to your mothers house if you dont trust her boyfriend?

My Mom has this new boyfriend. Ive met him a few times. I get a weird vibe from this man. He wont even talk to anyone but my Mom. You try and start a conversation and he cuts it off with one word replies and then walks away. I flat out don't trust this man. He hasn't actually done anything to make me think that its just the way he acts and stuff... I trust my Mother whole heartedly and I know she wouldnt let anyone hurt her family... But who is to say he isnt a weirdo and wont hurt her too? She barely knows this man. DH and I dont know him at all. She is upset cause I wont let the baby go over there while this man is there. What would you do? Like I said there is just something weird about him I dont trust my child to be around.. Please help

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Dec. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • I would trust my instincts

    Answer by Gealach at 5:44 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • My Mother trusts him but thats not enough for me. She has trusted men before and they turned out to be psycho wife beaters.... IDK

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:44 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Then don't let your child go over there.

    Answer by Gealach at 5:45 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • If you're not comfortable with your child being around that man, that's all that matters. I personally would never leave my child alone with somebody I didn't completely trust...

    Answer by Anouck at 5:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I agree with Anouck.

    Answer by Miss.KelliAdams at 5:59 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I was in this same situation with my MIL, I had a really weird vibe from her live-in boyfriend, and refused to let DS visit them alone, it caused ALL kinds of drama, but guess what? 2 years later we found out he had been in prison for child molestation! My MIL found a background report done on him by a casino that he had applied at, I am here to tell you that you should follow your mother's gut instinct! MY DH supported my during the time he lived with the MIL, but can I tell you that my SIL, and MIL thought I was being overprotective, blah blah blah , now they are very sorry for the treatment they dished out to me, stick to your guns, and if Mom is mad, let her come to your house! Good luck, and don't back down!!!

    Answer by kimigogo at 6:06 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I would go and visit while they were there, but until I knew for sure if my gut feeling was true or not, I would make sure the visit was done while I was there, so no overnights w/o me or my husband. No, I probably would not directly say anything to my mom, but I would be conscious and wary of it. It may be that this guy is a good guy, but there is something there that is not so great and you’re picking up on it.

    I had this happen about my best friends at the time boyfriend and still had it when they became man and wife. His true colors did show during stressful times in their marriage and it almost made them split up, but luckily he was willing to shape up and change. They’ve been married almost 7 years now, and I can honestly say that the feeling I got upon first meeting him almost eight years ago is no longer there; marriage, responsibility and willingness to do anything for family had changed him for the better.

    Answer by Knightquester at 7:16 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • My MIL married a questionable man that I would never have left my kids alone with. They are all in their teens now and she has not once had them stay there without me. Just my instincts that something is off with the man. I do not regret the decision either, my mom has made up for it a ten fold.

    Answer by parrishsky at 7:38 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I don't care if it's your mom or not. Don't leave your child in any situation with anyone if you can't walk away feeling 100% confident that he/she is in good hands.

    Answer by NewJoyOn1308 at 8:07 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Trust your instinct and your intuition. There's a book you might find interesting called Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker. He's a professional in his field (has worked under presidents and with the FBI to predict violent behavior in people, etc). This book is about keeping your child safe by trusting your intuition. Many people are worried that by trusting their instinct, they'll be rude to someone-- but what's more important- worrying about hurting someone's feelings or knowing that your child is absolutely safe? :)

    Answer by Kat770 at 10:21 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

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