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My sons sperm donor/father ADVICE

I am married now for 12 years, and have a son from a previous boyfriend when i was 16. his bio father walked away from our lives and hasnt never looked for us, dont need him, but recently he started coming around after 17 years, my son is 17 only because DA caame after him for back pay, on child support he never has paid in 17 years, anyways i need his help financially now more than ever, beyond child support because our son has had learning difficulties and it is getting worse, but his bio said unless i tell my son that he is his father, which i forgot to mention my son only knows one man as dad the man he has seen day in and out for 14 years. my husband which he calls dad, well his bio said he will not help unless i tell my son hes his dad, and he wants to have a weekend relationship with him, but his dad has 3 other children, and sons he has supported for 15 years 2 miles away from us, wht to do?how? cant put more on my son

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Dec. 1, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (6)
  • He can't make any ultimatums on you. Keep going after the back child support.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Child support can make him pay. You'll get that money. Don't even bother with him go straight to the system

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • You owe it to your son to tell him the truth. He is old enough to hear it. Then if he chooses to have a relationship with his biological father, you can't and shouldn't stop it. My guess is that your kid knows that his dad isn't his Bio father, he was five when you married your husband.
    I would just spill the beans and let whatever comes, come. Your son will most likely want to get to know his Bio father, but will always consider your husband his "Dad".

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:32 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I believe your son should know about his real father but I dont think his father deserves your sons attention or time

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Your son deserves to know who his father is. That doesn't mean the father deserves to have a relationship with him. BTW, your sons biofather does NOT have to pay for anything beyond child support unless it is in writing in the child support documents.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:00 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • I think you are right to consider your son's needs first. I think that you should agree to allow the two to meet, but put the responsibility of breaking the news on his father. The father is the one that was gone all that time, not calling, not caring. You are right, it will probably stress your son, but in my opinion, it needs to be done sooner rather than later. I would just put the responsibility on his father to do the talking. You shouldn't have to answer for his mistakes. I would also recommend that you insist that the "talk" happen at your house, on your son's turf, with you nearby (but not in the room) to ask the father to leave, if that is what your son wants. Give him enough rope, he might just hang himself with it.

    Answer by kkent2009 at 8:34 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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