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Daughter's father wants to visit ALL DAY-do I have the right to say "no"??

My 17 month old daughter adores her father, which is wonderful, but he isn't comfortable having visitation away from my home. So he comes to my home when he wants to visit with her. The problem is, he wants to spend the ENTIRE DAY here, and I don't want him to. I have a life of my own. My daughter and I have a fairly predictable routine, and when he's visiting, the routine gets messed up.

He was working, so he hasn't spent a lot of time over here in the past few weeks, but now he's been laid off, and he's been at my house since noon (almost ten hours now).

Do I have the right to tell him that I don't want him at my house all the time? He IS my daughter's father, and I'm so grateful that they love each other so much, but don't I have the right to not have an all day visit?

**In case it comes up, I am disabled and not working at the time, so I stay home with my daughter all day.



Asked by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Dec. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Yes, if he is going to be a part of her life for good, then he is going to have to get used to having her on his own. It is easy to flop at your house and visit...while you do the feeding, napping, diapering etc. I would put my foot down gently. Tell him you love that he is an attentive daddy, but time to cowboy up and do this on his own. If he is that freaked he can take her to his moms house if he wants to have a woman around. Good luck.

    Answer by salexander at 12:10 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Is there a court order? If not you can do whatever you want. Keep in mind though that it is up to you to keep the peace for your child's sake, but it's your house if you do not want him there set up times and days that will work for you for visitation. Try to keep it fair in case you end up in court some day.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Just explain that 10 hour visits are excessive. Tell him he needs to limit his visits to x amount of time. State the length of the visit before he even arrives. Let him know that you have "other plans".

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Honestly, I'd let him visit whenever he wanted for as long as he wanted. I think it's awesome that he wants to spend so much time with her while, at the same time, being man enough to admit he's not ready to be a "daddy" all on his own yet.

    Your "routine" would be just as screwed up (if not more) if he were taking her for weekends at a time. If you start setting limits, 1 of three things could happen. #1: he could say "oh ok, no problem" (not likely. #2: He could get offended & stop coming around -- or coming around so little that she forgets him between visits. or #3: Get offended, go to court, and get ordered visitation every other weekend, Wed nights, every other holiday/birthday, 6 wks during summer, etc, etc, etc -- all while he admits he's ill-equipped to care for a toddler on his own.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 10:18 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • You need to file for custody and child support. If you don't do it he can file for custody, visitation, and child support from you. Since you are disabled he may get joint or full custody. He will get visitation, probably overnight. You need to make sure you file first and get a good lawyer.

    Let him see her now so he doesn't go to court and say you don't. There is no reason he can't take care of a 17 mo away from your home. It sounds like there are some control issues involved. Tell him he can come for 1-2 hour visits or he can take her away for day visits.


    Answer by Gailll at 10:25 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • OP

    I don't mind him visiting my daughter. The problem is, he wants to spend the entire day here. I would love it if he could take her for a couple of hours here and there, but he doesn't like changing diapers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • He really needs to learn to change diapers & be dependable. It's great he enjoys spending time with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • If there is no legal custody order saying otherwise, you DO have the right to ask him to leave your home at any time. You DO have the right to ask him not to stay all day. It is your home. You're not trying to keep your daughter from him, you just don't want to have him in your home all the time.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:20 PM on Dec. 1, 2009

  • Would it be possible for you to leave him and another responsible adult you trust home with your daughter while you left for a bit? I think it is great he wants to be around so much but you guys are ex's for a reason and I can understand how you wouldn't want to be spending so much time with that person! I That way, she could still have her Daddy around but he would feel comfortable not being home alone with her and yet you would still get a break from him. I hope it works out well for you guys!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Dec. 1, 2009