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Is it fair to have a child?

I am 22 almost 23 years old and DH had two children in a previous marriage. 6yo dd and 4yo ds. BM is a dead beat and really has no part in their lives, never visits, calls weekly, but they call me mom, not her, and do not really have a connection with her. DH considers me mom and I do too but really want her parentals rights and her out of the picture. Before we were married, he agreed it was ok to have one more of our own, and I go back and forth on it. On one hand I want to go through the experience, the whole experience, but on the other hand, I dont want my current kids to feel any different, or my parents to treat them any differently. My DH is still willing to, but it is that he is "willing" to that I don't like. I don't want him to suffer through it, but he says he is wants to make me happy and that he really doesn't mind. Am I being selfish in this or no?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Dec. 2, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • i think it is more than fair. you have considered everyone involved, and your husband is willing. maybe your current kids would love to have a baby brother or sister. from the sounds of it your husband would be more than happy to have a baby with you. good luck!
    jcsmummy

    Answer by jcsmummy at 12:56 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • maybe talk to your family about how you might not have a child of your own because you dont want your other kids to get treated any differently. this will show everyone how serious you are about that fear and they will make it a point to treat them equal to your biological child.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 12:58 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I see nothing wrong with growing your family. The kids will love their new baby sibling. There are plenty of blended families in the world and they are perfectly healthy, and there are plenty of families with more than two kids. There is no reason that you should deprive yourself of carrying your own child. You will be surprised how much love people can carry in their hearts. They'll love your baby and your older children all the same. Have no worries :)
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:30 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • YOu have two kids, one more will just be an addition. You parents will probably love the baby as much as they have loved the other two. And I doubt you will treat them differently. To them, it will probably just be mommy and daddy having a baby... and they will probably be thrilled out of their mind.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 11:08 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • It sounds like the only problem you have is yourself. Guys aren't perfect communicators- I really think your husband is saying he's on board with having another child, but wants to do whatever makes you happy. Taking it further than that is just projecting your own concerns onto him. And why would the new baby be treated differently? You have control over that. There isn't anything selfish about the situation. The only thing I can think of is that you're pretty young and it sounds like maybe you have a lot on your plate to be this stressed over the issue. That would be the only reason I would suggest waiting- it sounds like maybe you're the only one not on board quite yet. but good luck!
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 11:13 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Just be sure you want a baby for the right reason. I have 3 from a previous marriage and he has one from a previous relationship. I don't know why, but his sharing a child with someone other than me mad me well...jelous. I wanted a baby with him so we could have what I consider the ultimate bond between two people. His ex GF made him nuts with child support and game playing so he was very against it. I kept begging and begging. We had two sons that are now 3 and 4. We love them, but we are a bit older now 42 and 43...they make us tired. Our first son screamed 19 hrs a day the first 5 months. We love them as I have said, but my wanting a baby with him was for reasons that were immature and insecure on my part.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:51 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I can tell you from experience, your step children will be treated differently than your own child. They won't feel like they are good enough
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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