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I'm married to the grinch!

Tonight I had a wonderful evening planned, trimming the tree, decorating the stockings, and listening to Christmas music. I also had cinnamon candles burning when my family got home. My husband got home and tried to turn off the music, proceeded to fire up the X box, until I asked what he was doing. His response was that "this" was my "thing". I was so upset that he separated himself from the family, that I went upstairs, he followed we landed up in an argument in front of the kids 6,4, and 4 months. I decided to leave to cool down our 4 y/o wanted to come so I let her. We came back within an hour and he had taken the kids with him to his parents house and are sleeping there tonight. What is the deal? Was I in the wrong?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Dec. 2, 2009 in Holidays

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Eh, it sounds to me like maybe you both are in the wrong. It sounds like you both overreacted. My husband is also a grinch about putting up the decorations. I just let him do his thing and when I need his help then I ask him and he helps. For instance, it's easier to put the lights on the tree with two people, so he helps with that. He also does the outdoor decorating, but he grumbles about it the whole time.
    Christina807

    Answer by Christina807 at 1:33 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • no way u did NOTHING wron hes an asshole
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I try to preplan things with my DH, like last week I let him know that friday would be a good day to get our tree and gave him my reasons and he agreed then when we got home from getting the tree he suprised me by pulling out all the decorations but he also let me know that he didnt feel up to decorating, i respected that and my kids are older so they can help me.
    The following day I asked him to put up the outside lights and he did get cranky with me until i reminded him he had already told me he would do it that night.

    I found it works better if you let them know a day or two in advance what you would like to do, that way they dont feel ambushed when they walk in the door from work, even if you dont mean it that way it can feel that way. I know that when i have had a busy day and i finally get home only to be greeted by being asked to do something i hadnt planned on i get cranky.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:05 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • i like to call my hubby and tell him what i have planned so he doesnt walk in on it...(they are'nt mind readers) He usually goes along with it and if not then i act all depressed and say something like "oh, i guess we can do it another night" and then he will make the plan for a later date...then i remind him.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:51 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • wow. i cannot even imagine forcing my will on another person.
    Who wanted to do this? Who was in the mood for this? Who's idea was this? Who else lives with you in the house? Did you talk to anyone about this beforehand? Did you make any specific requests about your wants and listen to your husbands opinions regarding the same? Can your hubby read minds? Can you?
    You set yourself up for all of this totally. He is a man. He is not a woman. He is not like you, nor do you want to be married to someone like you. Leave the man alone with what he enjoys and you go off and do what you enjoy.
    It's simple really, he has feelings, and thoughts and opinions just like you. Yours are not more important than his, just different. Personally, I think this was all stupid, immature and a great waste of time on your part.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:10 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • And let me just add, you aren't mad that your husband is the grinch.
    You are mad because your husband didn't do what you wanted him to. It's called control.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:13 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I do it myself saves the whining and whimpering but I do however agree with jewjewbee you should have talked to him about your decision first and then ask when he wanted to do it or could do it like for instance his day off...maybe he wasn't in the mood to decorate
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 11:16 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • is this something you have done for the past 7 years? is it tradition?? did you let him know ahead of time or did you just spring it on him?? why did you pick a work day for him, couldn't you have done it on a day he had off?? I think you both were a bit out of line. I would not have let him ruin it for me I would have turned the music back on and a little louder and would have said your right this is my thing....and proceeded to decorate with out him. His loss
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 1:52 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Ummm....I may be wrong...but storming out and staying with his parents over Christmas decorating MAY be sign of bigger other problems. I speak from experience. My dh and I worked things out eventually but he used to tune out and veg in front of the video games, completely separating himself from the family. We were young tho and he had never had to compromise before and didnt understand why he needed to know. He is STILL not a big holiday person. Doesnt get why they are a big deal to me. But there are some traditions that he knows require his presence and some where he only needs to be on hand for heavy lifting and and extra hand with the kids. I am agree with many of the PP's too. Men do much better when warned ahead of time....a few times! Good Luck. I know how much it sucks to have great holiday plans ruined!

    momof030404

    Answer by momof030404 at 2:18 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • My husband doesn't get into all the holiday stuff either, so I just ask him to participate in a few special activities and I give him plenty of advanced warning. It sounds like you both over-reacted some. I think your expectation for him to actually want to participate in all the decorating is probably unrealistic. I'd try to get him to committ to a few very important activities and just have fun doing the rest with your kids (it's much more fun to do those things when all the people involved are excited about it).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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