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Birthmothers - how long after you relinquished your baby did you have your second?

I'm not pregnant by all means, or am even in a place where I can get pregnant considering I'm very single and VERY busy.

BUT,

The thought of being pregnant and having a baby never leaves my mind. I'm always thinking about it. I would love to have a child, well my son actually, but I have given up on that dream. I just feel ready... it just sucks that I don't have a partner to share that with.

How long after you placed your baby up for adoption did you have your second child?

I have heard its pretty common for birth mothers to get pregnant pretty quickly after placing their baby up for adoption.

Just curious...

Answer Question
 
rainfalls

Asked by rainfalls at 1:00 AM on Dec. 2, 2009 in Adoption

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • I had my second daughter 2 1/2 yrs after my first. Their father had come back , and married me. I don't remember those two yrs. He later told me he only married me to save my life. I was down below 90 lbs. I was just existing. But, when I was pregnant with her, I was alive! I got to keep this baby. I decorated a nursery. I ate , I gained 50 lbs. I was so, so happy. I still have the cards I got from my first daughters mom. I dreamed of them being sisters, which they now are :) It was hard, going to the same doctor, the same hospital, the same nurses.I kept flashing back. But, having her saved me. She was and is my world, as is her brother. The hardest part was, knowing that I would have been a good mother, that 2 little years changed everything. That if I hadn't listened to them, it all would have been so different. Regret is a hard thing to live with....
    stillamom1213

    Answer by stillamom1213 at 1:42 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I'm not a first mom - but I can tell you in the case of my dd, she relinquished her rights while ds was in foster care in another state... he came home with us at 15 months old and just turned 4 a few weeks ago (today is the 1 yr anniversary of his adoption, BTW)... and she's pregnant now for the first time. Our grandson is due in about 6 weeks :)

    She had tried to become pregnant again over the past two years or so, most she now admits were driven by feelings of missing our son and wanting to replace him.... This pregnancy, she's scared that she'll be strong and face the issues and be the mom. I know she will - I'm proud of her and I'm reinforcing every time I can that she'll be awesome :) I know she will.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 3:25 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Rainfalls, Good Morning, I have not seen you around for a while, happy to hear from you:) After my nightmare with Birth Hope, I knew right away, I would NEVER again bring another child into this world...I was 25. I did not feel "worthy' to be given the role of Motherhood, from GOD, so I made sure it would never ever happen agin. At 35 yrs. I made an appointment, and had a tubal. 2 yrs. later , I met the man of any womans dreams, and 1 yr later we decided to try to have a child together, both of us went to our doctors, my dr. agreed to un-do my srugery(chances were about 60%), but my Hottie did not have good news. We found out he had cancer. So never agin will I ever have a child...maybe this is GODS' way:) I will now wait for grandbabies:) I have 2 that are inherited...love love love grandbabies;) Blessings, and good luck By the way, Rain you will be an excellent Mommy, and NO you don't need a Daddy to be so! HUGS, CJ
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:09 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Despite religious use of birth control, I got pregnant again about 18 mo. later. I immediately knew I could never go through adoption again. I knew at that point I would do whatever it took to keep my child with me. THIS time I turned a blind ear to all those people who decided before that I "just couldn't" raise 2 kids on my own. To the same people who refused to be supportive & help me I basically said "So what!". And yeah it was tough & scary. But we always had what we needed even if we were living in a one bedroom apartment & my new son was sleeping in the dining room in a playpen & I was on the couch so my older son could have a room. All the while, I kept the thought in the back of my mind how ridiculous it was that I had given her up because I could have done it..I was doing it...I could have managed...
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 10:59 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I had my first baby (who I placed) in Dec 99. I met my hubby in Oct 00, we married in Aug 01, and our first was born in Jan 02. So they are 25 months (2 years, 1 month) apart. A lady I babysat for as a teen waited almost 20 years before having another baby - she had her first when she was a teen and was almost 40 before having more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • My friend gave birth at 17 & gave up her dd 11/20/97 she had another DD 5/23/08 so she waited awhile - until her life was on track & she was able to provide a good life for her child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • The thought of being pregnant again never left my mind also though it was 7 years between my first and second.A couple of those years were due to secondary infertility.After being told how worthless I was and my child deserved better I was determined to NEVER be in a position to need support to keep a child of mine again.I finished my degree and grad from grad school.I would always be able to support my children and myself without help from anyone.Though there was not a day between the two that I didn't long for a baby.To this day it effects me ;I inherited some money from my dad,not a lot he was remarried and a nice amount from grandparents.All of this is only in my name.My husband doesn't care,he has been successful so we have not needed it.When everyone is out of college and on their own then I will use part of it so we can be very indulgent grandparents.I also continue to take classes so I'll be up to date.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 3:33 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I had a daughter (she turned 7 two weeks after 2 daughter was born). So that alone was hard. TO have to tell your child that the baby that has been growing in your belly wont be coming home with us. It was heart wrenching. That was July 07. I later had a son born in May 09.
    So the birth order goes.
    July 27 00
    July 12 07 (Placed for adoption)
    May 23 09

    Once I had my son, it was a bit hard for me. The same man that fathered my birthdaughter is also my sons father. We are together and he (my son) looks just look my daughter. It was hard to seperate the two sometimes and all I did was yearn for her. It is getting easier now. But it is still there when I look at him.
    TLW514

    Answer by TLW514 at 3:44 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I just want to comment that as an Amom, this give me a good perspective on some of the emotions. My child's bmom had a child who was about 3, my daughter and then about 18 months later she had her 3 (at this point married to a great guy, not the bdad) and her 4th.

    My child looks just like the child that is closest in age (#3) , I comment on it to her all the time when I see pics of her other kids. Now I worry am I making her sad by repeating that, I hope not??

    Anyway, thanks for a drama free post.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • It is common for women who give up their children to adoption to either have a child soon after losing the one they gave up or have no children at all for a long time after that. Both situations are very common with first moms.

    For me, my second, and middle son, was born almost exactly two years after my oldest son who I gave up.

    Back then, I didn't understand anything of the affects of losing my son to adoption and the emptiness that was inside of me. Nor did I intentionally plan on having another child so soon after losing my first.

    I used to beat up on myself, and view myself as that much more of a failure for having my middle son so soon - and still just a teenager - after my son I lost but once I began to look and learn more about adoption I realized just how very common it is for some first moms to have children so soon after losing one.
    bellacocco

    Answer by bellacocco at 6:40 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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