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I have a serious issue going on in my life and i need someone to help me. read story, pls don't judge only help me. thats all i ask.

My husband and i have been together for five years all together but only married for one. Before we got married we had our baby girl, he was in the military, got discharged for "recruitor's fault". We were living with my family, stressful environment, we both got into drinking, made the mistake of letting it get the best of us, and bam we had a bad night where we faught, ( fist faught) he put me in the hospital, i put him in jail, domestic violence, simple assault charges were thrown at him. He got completely discharged frm the military ( forgot to mention he was suppost to reinlist the next day after all that went down) I do not want to divorce him, every relationship hits a rough spot, im just trying to figure out what should we do in order to get our life back as it was, ( of course not meaning military, that is out of the picture) but i meaning like living together in our own place, him getting a job, ...patching things u

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Dec. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • hmmm sorry to hear all this went down, why doesnt he find a job and u guys can save $$ and live alone
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • well im sorry to hear about your situation. I know your guy's fight was both of your guys' fault. if you guys are fine now and no fighting then i guess it would be okay for you guys to get back together or whatever the situation is...just no more drinkin!!! but both of you should try to get a job at first if you both can so you guys can have your own place. that is probably the reason why you guys fought in the first place was bcuz you all are living with someone else and have to obey their rules and cant do what you really want and was just stressed and took it out on eachother. but if you are scared that he might put you in the hospital again..i wouldnt do it. but GOOD LUCK!!
    MoMMy2aDiVA08

    Answer by MoMMy2aDiVA08 at 2:20 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Start with agreeing to never drink again and realize what happen's if you do drink....I know a few couples who cannot drink because of the fights between them but otherwise get along fine.
    What needs to be done is work,work,save,save,save.......my step daughter and her husband took 3 years to move out of his parents house. It took so long because her husband is a "spender" and she is a "saver"......the "spender" should always put half the or more of the paycheck in the "savers" account.
    It takes hard work and determination and commitment. It will eventually work out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Yep, this one is easy. Don't drink. Don't tell yourselves you deserve a night out like people you know from high school. You are parents now and if you want to be a family every thought should be towards your family. It really isn't that difficult and it really doesn't take that much money if you don't smoke or go to bars. No matter how much you want to play high school kids just remember you need to work to live on your own away from parents and you will get it done!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Are you both in treatment?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:55 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I've never heard of recruiter's fault, so I'm not sure what that is, but if his discharge wasn't dishonorable or other than honorable, then he shouldn't have a problem finding a job. It sounds like you've already realized the culprit of your fight was the drinking, and that's the first step to getting help. Provided that his discharge was under honorable conditions or honorable, I recommend contacting the Department of Veteran's Affairs. They may be able to assist your husband into getting back on his feet. If he's eligible for the G.I. Bill, they have a new one out that is called the "Post 9/11 GI Bill". Basically what that does is allow your husband to go to school full time and they'll not only pay his tuition, but he'll get paid every month in the amount of the BAH for your area is for an E-5 with dependants. Best of luck to you and your family. I hope this info is useful to you.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 7:52 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I think you need individual counseling to find out what basic issues you have. Unless you work those out, your marriage will have little chance of surviving. Personal issues cannot be resolved in a marriage. You both need to be whole before getting back together. There are reasons why people turn to alcohol or other substances when they find life difficult to handle. You and he need to see someone who is skilled at delving into those reasons and helping you find other ways to handle stress in your lives. I have found the best counselors are those who have themselves suffered in these areas and now want to help others who are similarly suffering. I have also found the best help to be church counselors who often work for free or for a very minimal charge. I would start by calling churches in my area, asking if they have such counselors on staff. It is becoming more and more available and the success rate is phenomenal.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:54 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I could understand a fight maybe even a hit (I suppose), but to put you in the hospital? If he did it once he WILL do it again. He didn't just lose his cool and push you or you just hit him once because you lost your cool. He put you in the hospital. That is not just a "mistake". He sounds like a loser. Make him get his act together for your daughter. You both need therapy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • He's going to blame you for ruining is career/future so every time he drinks he's going to use his fists again so the best thing you can do for yourself is leave the guy
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

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