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I need some coaching

We are newlyweds. We have both been married before and have been burnt hard in the past. Everything seems to be going in the right direction. But we have both discovered I have a flaw. I (we) truly need some help conveying my emotions. I was raised in a very emotionally "cold" home. The only true emotions which were ever shown were hate and lust-literally. Plus, I have been in a couple mentally abusive relationships. Normally, anything that upsets me, I close my eyes turn around a walk away from it. Only to cry or get mad about it 2 weeks later. Can anyone help me (us) start on the right track?


Asked by auntj at 11:37 AM on Dec. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (25 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I agree about counseling, & I'd also start planning ways to be warm & affectionate, I know that those things should be spontaneous, but sometimes if we start by planning & can follow through, doing these things will become more natural, comfortable & even spontaneous. If your husband has good news from work & you don't feel that you gave him the warmth & excitement that he deserved, tuck a note in his lunch, or plan a special meal when your focus is on sharing his good news. Mark in your datebook a time when you will take your child to lunch or spend some special time & tell them why they're special to you.

    On the other hand when you're angry or upset about something, if your husband is in tune to you, maybe he can say "honey, don't walk away, can we talk about this before it becomes more serious"

    I'm afraid expressing my emotions is not a problem for me, sometimes I wish it was, but I have found that I can retrain myself!

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:58 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I think for right now the fact that your husband knows how you are and how you deal with things will be a big help. For you personally it sounds like counseling would be good. You've already identified the problem which is the hardest part so a counselor should be able to help you work through your feelings and help you learn how to express them. If you're a strong reader you might be able to use a self-help book, as long as you had someone to help you when you were having trouble. Most of the time husbands aren't the best ones to help with that, but in your case it sounds like your husband wants to help, which is good. In the long run it would help you with all of your relationships, including with your husband and children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • He has been the husband I have always dreamed of but gave up ever having years ago. He is so attentive to even the smallest detasils. Our big issue now is we can't afford counselling. This is why he even mentioned maybe asking you girls

    Answer by auntj at 11:51 AM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • There is a book called Stop Walking on Eggshells. See if that helps. Your library might have it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:56 AM on Dec. 2, 2009