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How do you deal with grown daughters that don't get along for the holidays?

My daughters seeem to be in competition for parents attention. One likes dad, the other can't stand dad. They are both grown, with children and from a divorced family. Every time they get togethere there are snide remarks about everything. It really spoils the holidays.

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lilacbush

Asked by lilacbush at 3:30 PM on Dec. 2, 2009 in Holidays

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Answers (10)
  • tell them if they can't keep the bullshit to themselves then don't bother showing up and if they do start acting like babies, make them leave
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 3:33 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Yeah honestly, I'd tell them to stop b*tching and grow up or just stay home.....
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 3:37 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • This girls are GROWN and if they can't act like adults for a few hours for one day then maybe they should have x-mas at there own homes and if they want to see you then have them come over separately and also let them know that you don't want your holiday to be spoiled so they need to come to a happy middle between themselves. Ask them how they would feel if there children were the ones spoiling the holidays.????

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • There must be underlying hurt feelings the way it sounds. Someone feels they aren't being treated fairly. Open the door for a quality discussion individually. Work out the problems and see what fences can be mended. Even though they are grown, they are still your children. Someday you will have grand children and you don't want them to go through that. Have separate holiday gathers they can come to if there is too much hurt.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 3:38 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • How selfish of you to think about your holiday when your children are hurting. Revisit their childhood and find out what in the world you and your husband did or didn't do that has created such a strong anomacity and or resentment among siblings. Don't blame them, they are a product of their childhood. Take the initiative to figure out what happened don't just assume that the girls should not ruin your holiday. Apparently they are still stock in the past family dynamics.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 3:48 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • . Don't blame them, they are a product of their childhood


    now wait a minute.. are you saying she did something wrong raising her children? my sister and i don't get along anymore but it's not because of anything my mom or dad did.....now i'm the one that likes dad, she hates him so whatever the reasons my sister and i don't get along is because of all the bullshit she has put her son and my parents through..thank god she dosen't live in the same state anymore
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 3:54 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Yeah that is exactly what I think that the way our kids turn out have a direct correlation with the environment and the way we raise them.

    Are you going to tell me that the anomacity between siblings was addressed and dealt with as they were growing up? Of course not. Otherwise they would have deal with whatever that needs to be dealt with long time ago. They would be over it by now and they could enjoy their holidays like a family instead of dreading the reunion. So in a sense the difficulties OP is describing are not the kid's fault. They were not given the opportunity to sort things out earlier.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 4:00 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Let them deal with each other. Don't get drawn into their drama.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:54 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I can imagine the stress. I guess you have to put them in their place and tell them to act like the adults that they are and that you are tired of their crap despite your love for them. Tell them to shelve it for the holidays.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:35 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I think they are adults and can handle you being blunt and honest with them. Say "You are adults and are hurting your children and making holidays miserable for everyone by acting like 12 year old girls. Suck it up for three hours in this house. If you feel the urge to roll your eyes, make nasty comments or anything of the like you can leave. You need to think of your kids." Maybe they'll feel stupid enough they will cut it out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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