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Would you tell your husband if you were behind on the bills?

We are behind on bills, we are almost always behind on bills yet everytime he happens to intercept a call from a bill collector he acts surprised. I do my best to pay as much as I can and still have money for groceries, gas, etc. But he seems to think I don't pay the bills and just blow the money. He doesn't see how the fact that he spends $30 or $40 a weekend on alcohol seems to affect my budget or the fact that if he wants it then he gets it. And I don't mean $100 items but everything adds up! He lost his overtime (8 hours a week) about 8 months ago. So we lost around $300 every two weeks. I know you should never depend on overtime but he had been getting it for over a year and a half so we did get used to it. I don't tell him whenever a bill is behind because he just yells at me and blames me. He never does anything about it so whats the point???

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Hand over the bills and the budget to him and say here ya go, this is what we have, this is where we are.. You deal with it. With him not knowing what is coming in and going out he is spending blind. Give him everthing and let him deal with it for awhile then once he sees, both of you sit down weekly or monthly and pay the bills together.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 5:30 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Make him responsible for all the bills and their payment. That way he can no longer claim to be in the dark about where your money goes. OR each week, make it so that he has to sit with you when you pay the bills.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 5:31 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • I agree with midnightmoma. I wouldn't just totally give it over to him because it might not get paid, but i would sit down with him and show him your bills, your grocery/gas/etc cost, your income. Then work up a monthly budget and he can see where all the extra money goes (I'm betting its on his alcohol and impulse buys). That should change his habits and his way of thinking, but if it doesn't, I would certainly find some way to limit his spending. Give him, in cash, a set amount of fun money and when he's out he's out.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 5:33 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • Sit down with him and show him exactly what his spending habits are doing to your budget. There is no reason for $40.00 a week to go to alcohol just to begin with not to mention spending here and there. If it's not going to groceries, gas or utilities, he needs to leave the money alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • OP here- I tried to give it to him and he says that he wont do the bills, that its my responsiblity. The one time (about 5 years ago) I gave him all the money and told him that he needed to make sure we had money for gas and groceries out of it and he come to me later in the week asking for money! I told him that I had given him all the money and he got pissed! So I had to go borrow the money from my mom and dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • That is how my DH used to be. I would tell him what we had to pay out and how much was left. He would spend anyway and get mad at me if a check bounced. I was so upset about it all that I was getting headaches and losing sleep. I handed everything over to him. I now tell him how much I need each week for groceries and stuff for the kids and he handles the rest. It is less stress for me and he can only get mad at himself if he messes up somewhere.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • If you are in charge of the bills and the money, give him an allowance. Pull out however much cash he CAN use, and give it to him.
    hannah_belle

    Answer by hannah_belle at 6:18 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • What we did was to buy a large desk calendar and when the bills come in I write them down-- How much they are, when its due, and what a min. payment is if that is necessary. We sit down the night before his check hits the bank and we go over again how much should be left. Then when he gets paid, we do the bills first. IF we wait until Monday to pay our bills, the money has disappeared.

    Also we try to work on a cash only basis. No checks at all for bills and we don't have the credit for credit cards). I pay bills either over the phone with our debit card or buy money orders. We prefer money orders because there is no waiting on the bank to decide when it goes through. Dh has checked our balance while at work and bought things because he thinks the money is in there. And when we were young, there were times my check was gone to overdraft fees. So this solved both issues.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 6:19 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • its obvious that he has a problem with alcohol..my ex was the same way. He cared more about it than he did his family. $40.00 a week is alot of money. If he cannot give this up to help pay bills or to keep food in the fridge for your family then i would say he is selfish and needs major help! Most alcoholics and abusers are selfish. I would have a serious talk with him about his problem and if he isn't willing to give up or make some comprimises then i would maybe give up on him. Thats what i had to do with my ex..alcohol controlled his life.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:47 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

  • This is us lol I just handed ours over to my dh last month and he already sees why we don't have any money and now he's the one that says you know we don't have the money to do anything right and I've been waiting for yrs for you to give me everything. Only now since my check pays the mortgage he wants me to make some other things to but I already pay $1300.00 a month in house payment and our bills don't add up to that a month but I have boughten all of Christmas myself without his help but before my dh would spend money then hand me the reciepts and then I'd have to deal with it by adding extra money if it went over drawn. GOOD LUCK!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Dec. 2, 2009

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