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How can I get my DH to take an interest in me in the bedroom??

So DH and I have been married for 10 years...we almost never have sex anymore. When we do, it's because *I* initiate it. I'm tired of initiating it; I want HIM to make a move. He never does. And I hate when I try to be subtle and get him in the mood, and he just snuggles me and goes to sleep. I'm feeling lonely and unloved (even though I KNOW he loves me) and unattractive and it makes me so sad. I just want some good lovin'!!! I told him how it made me feel a few months ago...I'm pretty sure that night he gave me pity sex...and then it went right back to the way it's been. :( Any advice on how to get him to be into me again?!?!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • does he enjoy it when you initiate? maybe try not letting him see you naked. It heightens the anticipation. And if he looks at porn he'll need to quit that too before he shows interest in you again. Start initiating it more often. I know it sucks to be the only one doing it. After you have been the only one doing it for a while talk to him about it again. Tell him it makes you feel unattractive he doesn't initiate. But when you do initiate make sure you don't do it too often. I would keep it to once or twice a week. And try some lengerie, maybe a lil flirting or a new hair cut too.

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 12:40 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • You need to be "into" you. Meaning, you need to realize you're own beauty, sex appeal and endearing personality. You know you're a good catch so now you need to feel that and it will bleed over to him. I would suggest fostering a new interest of some kind whether it be athletic or academic or creative. Sometimes when we take charge, channel our energy and interest into something new that is all our own and not part of the marriage, it makes the partner curious and interested if not jealous. You want to be interesting and appealing again. To me, that starts with you. Go to the gym, take an art class or volunteer and then share what you're doing with him. I would think in time, he will come around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • man, i wish i had this problem, my husband won't leave me alone.... i just figured all men were like him!

    Answer by MirandaLacy at 1:01 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Wow! Dajavu. I too have a husband like yours. But we have only been married 6 years. After the birth of my two children, i gained 60 pounds. I still have my curves, but they look pretty My DH said to me that he loved me no matter my figure, but he advised me to lose weight for my own self esteem. I too find myself always making the first move. I understand when you say that you want some good lovin. Unfortunately, our DH's might not be the chasing type. I agree with anonymous, if we do not feel attractive than how can we expect our DH to see us as sexy and actractive. I was depressed for about 2 years. I recently began walking on a daily basis. Try it, its great for our mental health.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 1:21 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Make a plate of nachos and take it in the bedroom. He will follow you.

    Answer by Whatkids at 1:31 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Look for the book Intimate Issues.

    Answer by Whatkids at 1:32 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • i havent even been with my boyfriend for 3 years yet, and thats how we are too. We have an 18mo boy, and I went from 125 pounds of beauty and curves to 175 pounds of low self esteem, strtch marks and love handles. GL, i know how you feel and makes me feel worse that 7 years from now isnt going to change any :(

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • At least when you initiate it he follows... mine doesn't even do that anymore. He just pulls away and says "not tonight" or "stop asking" and when he's ready for it is at THE worst possible times ie- our 4 month old has just woken up in the middle of the night and is breastfeeding. or as I'm getting out of bed in the morning and running late for work, or I'm working on papers. Basically he gets it when he wants it and then we have to rush through it because he picked a time where there IS NO TIME!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • My fiance and I are having this same issue. I am actually considering leaving him because of it. I have tried being subtle, I have tried being aggressive, I have tried pretending to not want it, I have tried dressing up. Nothing works. I have an excellent body (not bragging, just saying I work out and Im in shape) so it's not that. He says we have to get along to get the spark back but we cant get along when I am always so sexually frustrated. Its a vicous cycle that I cant fix without him and he's to lazy to fix it. I have come to the conclusion that I stay with him and never have sex or feel loved or wanted or I leave and find what I want and someone who wants me and shows it. We aren't even married yet! It's only been a year and a half!!!

    Answer by maranda1389 at 1:50 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

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