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anxeity during sex?

any of you ladies ever have this problem? I have never had a problem when it came to sex, now my hubby wants to try new things and all sudden my anxeity is like oh no, I get a fear of pain, my husband rolls his eyes and I start crying and it can really kill the moment..someone please help me!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I just tell mine no, I don't want to right now (gives me more time for me to be ready though sometimes I never am lol) but while we are doing it, it usually takes imagining either I'm doing some one else or I'm some where else doing something else to get through ti.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • First off, take a deep breath. You're anxious because you're not comfortable with what he wants, or you're afraid you won't do it right. Both of which are understandable, especially if you've done these things before and had a bad experience. You both need to talk about it at a time that is far from sex. Try during a weekend afternoon or something. And both of you should pause the conversation if either one of you feel like you're not being heard. Tell him that you love him and your sex life with him, but you want to be honest with him, and let him know that you really are not comfortable with what he wants. Then explain why Perhaps there are ways to start doing what he wants in small bits. Also, when he rolls his eyes at you, that is a clear sign that he has no concern about your feelings on this. It's a bad sign. If I knew more about this, I could advise better. PM me if you want.

    Answer by NightPhoenix at 1:32 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • have you ever been sexually abused or raped? i am the same way, ok with sex but when its time for something new, I freeze up and get tense. it is a mood killer, but I cant help it. I'm that way because of what happened to me. when i was being molested, i was being fingered and when my husband does that to me, i tense up. doggy style too, i'm afraid that it'll hurt. This is an extreme of what could be happening to you, i hope that that is not what it is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • omg i feel like this alot!!! usually when its new stuff. but I've pinpointed why i feel this way- i lost my virginity by rape and it hurt like hell- since i've had the baby sex hurts and little and it triggers some of the fear i felt. but as i heal (and i get used to it) i'm not as anxious.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Good luck...I can't give you advice other than the abuse survivor's type of advice. What I'd say is that you just aren't feeling what he wants to do, so get creative in other ways. But, this is something you need to talk to him about and work out with him. Otherwise, you'll just distance yourselves from each other. You aren't in the wrong, and when he rolls his eyes it's beacuse he isn't actually understanding how you feel. Instead if trying different positions, maybe try some role playing or some different toys or lotions? These can spruce up the sex without causing you any pain, and meanwhile you can possibly work toward something he'd like to do, if you wanted to do that. Sex should always be completely mutual- if you are afraid of doing something, he has no right to force you. I hope this helps a little...

    Answer by sweetphoenix529 at 3:25 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I think you are anxious because deep down inside, your inner self knows that sex is the culmination of a love that has to be expressed. When you are being asked to perform some act like a dog in a circus, your emotions know that's not what love looks like, and they balk at the suggestion. We women are designed to be loved and cherished, and when that is not happening, we know it at a level much deeper than our minds. I have been married almost 45 years to a man who literally adores me, and he would never consider putting me in the situation you have described. It breaks my heart every time I read a story like yours, because I believe that women are being cheated out of one of life's greatest blessings. Sex for the sake of sex is just an act. Sex when it results from a love that is sacrificial and devoted is one of the most beautiful expressions of that love. I pray that you and your husband can find that kind of love.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:54 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Switch rolls. YOU choose new things to do. That keeps you in control which will calm your anxieties and will make him happy too

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:33 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I just wouldn't do something I wasn't comfortable with period!!

    Answer by chica679 at 11:54 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

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