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i have lost the urge for sex with my hubby

he used to have a girlfriend before we got maried and somehow i found out he cheated on me with her. since then its been difficult to enjoy love-making with him and its almost tearing my marriage apart. is it dat i cant forgive him or what? moms i need ur candid advises.

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momella417

Asked by momella417 at 5:36 AM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • my husband cheated on me 3 years ago and i have the same problem.I can't get it our of my head and therefore can't seem to relax enough for any intimacy.I worry i'll lose him altogether if i don't pull myself together,but i can't seem to help how its affected me.He isn't great at understanding either.
    have you tried talking to him about it?
    daisycat78

    Answer by daisycat78 at 6:58 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • my brother's wife cheated on him, and they tried for years to just get over it, but he couldn't stomach even touching her. they just got to the point where they were just two people living in the same house. they finally got a divorce, and they're starting to move on with their lives. my advice to you is to take a serious look at your life and marriage, and consider counseling. i never encourage divorce, but if you can't move on, then you need to move out. it is not fair to yourself, your husband, or any children that come along. you need to forgive him and move on, and strive to rebuild that happy relationship you once had, or call it quits. you will never be happy just sitting on the fence. i hope that helps. sorry, mama. my hubby's first wife cheated on him, and to this day it hurts him. cheating is just awful.
    AngryBob

    Answer by AngryBob at 7:03 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • My guess is that deep down inside, you are still very angry at him. Anger is a killer when it comes to intimacy. Another thing you should consider is whether or not he ever admitted to you that what he did was wrong and apologized to you to your satisfaction. If that hasn't happened, it is almost impossible to move forward from where you are right now. If you need to hear him ask you to forgive him, then you need to tell him that's what you need to hear. If you need to hear that it will never happen again, then tell him that. If you need to hear that he realizes how very much his actions hurt you, then tell him that. Don't assume that you can just automatically forgive him and move on. That is not the way our emotions work. Think seriously about what you need to know about this situation and then be honest enough to tell your husband what you need from him. If he isn't willing to do whatever it is, there's trouble.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:40 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • It's never easy to accept that someone betrayed you and broke a vow to forsake all others. However, it's all about what you want. If you want to learn from the experience and work on the marriage then do that but you have to let go of some of your anger and disappointment. Why? Because you allow HER to control your life. The more you harbor anger toward him over the affair then the longer you allow her back in your life and let her control you and your marriage. Take control and keep her out (along with thoughts of what happened). Now concentrate on quality time with dh and let HIM rebuild what he tore down. It will take time but a woman can do whatever is needed to get what she wants. So if you want him (and sex with him) then let her go. I have an open relationship and whenever my SO is with another women I just work harder to rock his world and show him what a real woman (who cares about him) is like.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:45 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Either get it out of your head or leave him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • thats exactly what it is ...mine cheated on me and i couldnt let it go....even though he hurt me sooooooooooo bad and i never thought i could live with out him....i had to leave SO I COULD BE HAPPY AGAIN
    cloes_mommy417

    Answer by cloes_mommy417 at 1:37 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

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