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When/why did you decide to adopt again?

1) What made you decide to adopt again? When did you begin the process? To have a sibling? Wanted a certain # of children? Opportunity arose? What are the age differences of your adopted children?

2) Did you only adopt one child? Why did you decide NOT to adopt again?

Please state if yours was DIA, FC or Int'l even if you post Anon. Thanks! (Most know about 9 months in advance that a child will be coming, but not so in adoption.)

 
doodlebopfan

Asked by doodlebopfan at 8:24 AM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Our agency actually required us to wait at least 18 months before you were able to reapply with them. You were allowed to have a child under 18 months in the house and adopt but they wanted at least 18 months between adopted children to let the family have time together before they would let you go through them again. I realize that doesnt apply to foster but I think it has some value in domestic adoptions since you dont know how long or fast the process can be.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Hi DBF. We always knew we wanted children (plural), and I'd hoped to have 3 or 4. I was 27 when we got married and 30 when we began seriously looking into adoption. Our first child came to us four years later (DIA, special circumstances - prenatal drug exposure and addiction issues for bmom). Right after we finalized her adoption we told our agency (Catholic Charities) that we wanted to adopt again. We were told that we were past the age limit. A few months later we moved to a neighboring state, and the CC office there said they would work with us. Just like before, we had a wait of several years. Our son was born 4 years after our daughter and came to us at 4 weeks old. It was DIA again, and again, prenatal drug exposure and addiction issues. Our son was actually in foster care his first 4 weeks. His bmom went to court for the right to choose a family (which had been her plan before CPS took him). (continued)..
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:34 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • (continued from above) We had 3 weeks notice with our daughter, and we were at her birth. We had one week notice with our son, who was already born. I had never heard of bmoms being pressured until after we'd adopted both times. I may be naive and too trusting, but I just expect people to act appropriately and am sometimes surprised when they don't. I do feel that with both of our children, there was very good reason for them to be placed with an adoptive family. I care very much for their bmoms and hope for the best with them. We are continuing contact as much as is possible (it's not always easy to get hold of them).

    Thanks for this question! Does this mean you are going to continue being a foster parent and hope to adopt again?
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:37 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • We adopted a 2nd time for all of the same reasons people want more children (having a sibling, wanting more than one child) plus the added benefit of the siblings sharing the bond of being adopted.

    We began the process when the older child was 18 months and our 2nd was born was she was 4 ½. We wanted them much closer in age but had no idea how long it would take to adopt the second time. Both were infants when we adopted them but the first time we were open to any child under 5 and the second time we asked that the child be no older than our current child. (we didn’t want to adopt out of birth order).

    I always dreamed of having a huge family but I love and am appreciative (and spent a ton of $$) for our two so this will probably be it for us.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Grateful, I have thought of it, and as you can imagine after the roller coaster ride that we have had, it may take the Lord putting that desire in my heart into action. Of course, CPS is more than willing to have us start the minute we decide, but DH's heart has been put thru the ringer these past few years. I sometimes believe that we women can be more hopeful and cope with loss better than our "stronger" counterparts, and the possibility of "losing" more children may be something that is too much for him. (And of course we support family reunification, and would only want to adopt another child who truly had no other to raise him/her, but it's still not easy on the heart. Right now, we are going to get thru the holidays, and enjoy being a family. (But I think a sibling would be great! Although, I'm not so sure son would want to "share" his mommy & daddy, though, LOL! He might vote, NO!)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:17 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • We only adopted one... internationally. Of course, 8 months later we found out that I was pregnant. So, we had a little girl in 8/08 that was a shock. Dh has said that he is finished... I'm trying to talk him into another adoption from China, but SN this time. So far, he's not biting...bleh.
    My tubes are tied since pregnancy is so dangerous for my health and I'd rather adopt anyway.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 12:20 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • SORRY to intrude ladies...,I just wanted to say...Thank You for sharing your wonderful stories:) I admire each of you with sincerity. I am so so ahppy that we have great , loving, compassionate couples whom ARE trying very hard to change a childs life...one child at a time. It takes a huge heart, and alot of love from spouses , to take the route of adoption, that each of you have chosen...or should I say the path that was chosen for you:) Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 12:29 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Thanks for the replies, including yours CJ, don't ever think that you are intruding (at least on my posts, LOL!) In some ways, when a women has a baby, she has at least a year of breast-feeding (or not) and having her body recuperate from the toll that the pregnancy caused her physically. While I don't have that, and could start NOW, we're probably a little "gun shy". Our son is almost 3, and I am thinking of the age difference. We could get placed with another infant & they would be almost 3 years apart, OR we could get placed and reunify several & the age gap could be much larger, PLUS waiting the 1-2 years for finalization. Part of me says to start soon because it will take forever, and another part says to wait a while, get adjusted. Maybe wait until he's in school, because starting again brings back the "busy-ness" of schedules, visitation, doctors appts, paperwork, etc. I know I have to wait til DH is ready. We'll see...
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:37 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • We would welcome the chance to have a third child, but will not try to adopt again. For one, the process is too grueling for us. It was very stressful to feel that we were under the microscope. I can understand why they need to do that, but it's not easy. We have discussed FA over the years, but for various reasons it never happened. At this point, the only way we'll have a third child is if God suprises us with a pregnancy. I've prayed that if that would cause our children pain or make them feel somehow "less than", that it will never happen. We are very happy with our family of two children (and the extended family we gained when we adopted them).
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 2:00 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • With my first husband we decided to adopt a sibling group simply because we knew we wanted more then one child and the process was simply to gruelling. Ended up adopting 3 beautiful little girls, 5, 6, 7. With my second husband we are now raising 3 of our grandchildren and doing foster care. We've talked about adopting and even have talked about siblings. The only condition that we both agree on is that the child must be older then the youngest grandchild. She's 17 months and we'll be in our 60's when she graduates from High School.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:04 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

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