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ever thought about leaving?

Have you ever thought about leaving your husband? I have, but I feel hypicritical since I want to leave because it has been over a year since he held a job, but I don't work for medical reasons. I don't think I woudl leave but I have really been thinking about it as a way to wake him up to get a job.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • That's not going to wake him up to get a job. Leaving or trial separations rarely fix a problem when the couple gets back together.

    Talk to him. Tell him some facts about your financial goals as a family and what the kids deserve. Men don't respond well to emotional appeals. Things like, "When you worked, we had xyz. And The kids had abc too. How can I help you find a job so the children can have that again?"

    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 11:49 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I did -- twice, actually. The first time was 5 days before our wedding, and I had found out that he had used drugs at his bachelor party. The second time, we were having major communication issues (as in, he thought that if we didn't talk about our financial problem at that time, that we wouldn't really *have* a problem), plus he was NEVER home -- he preferred to be out with his "friends". That included me having to pay a babysitter so that I could go to work when he *should have* been home to take care of the kids, so that he could go hunting, fishing, play pool, whatever he felt like doing. So I told him that if I was going to have to take responsibility like a single mother, I would just BE a single mother. I found a house to rent and had put in job applications in my hometown (2 hours away), and he totally changed when he realized that I was seroius about leaving.
    Maybe just the threat would work for your's, too???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I've thought about it. Not for that reason though. Yet anyway. You never know what is around the next corner. I can see your point. There is no way I'd be able to have kept my mouth shut if mine didn't work for a year. Talk to him and try to make him see that he needs to work. Honestly, if he won't work and support his family, I wouldn't blame you for leaving.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I have thought it through completely. Right now I have no choice at all. But someday in the future I WILL leave him if he doesn't get his act straight.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • If he hasn't held a job for over a year, then leaving him won't wake him up. He's obviously not interested in holding a job, which means that you leaving won't change his habits. If he hasn't changed while you two are together, then he won't change.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 12:26 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I have thought about it - because we've had our issues. But right now, I'd be stupid to leave. All the benefits outweigh the problems. Plus I DO love him. He just makes me friggin' crazy sometimes.
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 12:37 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I did think about it and I did it and never regretted it. Mine worked but he was a lying, cheating abusive jerk so that made it easier for me to go.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:29 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Why do you stay? If him working is the most important thing and he hasn't done that for a year why are you still there? When we were first married I didn't realize it was going to be such hard work and I wanted to leave. Now I'm glad I didn't because it would have always been there that I left and it would have damaged our marriage. I am very happy now and still as much in love as when we first got together but it took work and tears to get here.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I have been divorced three times so yeah, I've done more than think about it. I had children with my first two husbands. #1 was physically abusive and tried to kill me, #2 was an alcoholic and chronic cheater, #3 was a con man who wouldn't hold a job, lied about everything, did drugs behind my back, and cheated at the end. Yep, I have no regrets about leaving any of them. I now am married to the best man in the universe!
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 5:22 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

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