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Would you adopt a baby who tests positive for Meth?

Not to mention the mom smoked pot and cigarettes during her pregnancy. This is my husbands half sister. She is 25 and is pregnant by a 17 year old. Let's just say I have a son who is 5 and she has seen him twice, as a baby. We lost our 2 month old to SIDS and she never made the services but showed up at my doorstep a month later asking for money. No, I do not care for her or her mom-also an addict-but this poor poor child. Hubby's mom called and said the baby will be taken away because she knows it will test positive for Meth. My husband approached me on whether we would take the baby in. We have the resources and I stay at home. I just don't know what long term care will be needed. I would have no problem with not letting the mom around, she made her choice. Thoughts?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (26)
  • I would in a heartbeat if I had the resources. Usually it is hard at first because baby needs to spend time detoxing and it is painful for baby and for you to watch. after that, the baby will have a good chance at a normal life with some developmental delays. (in most circumstances.)
    I think it would be an amazing and admirable thing to do. That poor baby.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 2:42 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • This baby deserves a chance. If the baby is going to be taken away, I think it would be wonderful for you to offer your home to it. Cut the loser mom out of this child's life. It will be very difficult at first- ask social services for advice and resources to help with your decision.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • My son tested positive for meth and was taken by CPS at birth. His birthmother went to court to be able to place him permanently with an adoptive family (us), and they ruled in her favor. He was in foster care his first month, and he was a very sick little guy. He was vomiting, crying inconsolably, he had feeding difficulties, and his circulation was poor. He saw a developmental specialist for a while, but he was doing so well that she released him to his pediatrician's care.

    I would definitely say do it if you are both interested. It's better for this baby to stay in the biological family, if possible. We do have contact with our kids' birthmothers, but we would never have a visit if they were under the influence (similar situation for our older child). If you become this child's parents, that will be up to you to decide what is in his or her best interests. (cont.)
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 3:12 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • (continued from above) You will want to find a good attorney who specializes in adoption, and ask about a subsidized adoption since this will be considered a special needs baby. That just means that if he or she needs special care in the future, you will be able to receive money to help pay for it. We have a subsidized adoption with our son, but we haven't had to use it so far (he is 15 months). You'll need to have a homestudy completed with background checks. You could try contacting a local social worker. Sometimes they'll do a private homestudy. You may be able to find an adoption agency that will do it, even though you're not working with them. Expect it to cost around $1,000 (about the same for your attorney, depending on some other things).

    Just go in with eyes wide open. That first month or two will be rough, especially at first. Have a support system. Good luck!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 3:15 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • wonderful advice ladies--thank you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Absolutely, w/o hesitation! The detox part is the most grueling, as PP said, but after that, everything can work out fine. Maybe there would be delays, but maybe there wouldn't. There isn't enough known about the effects of the prenatal drug use to say that there would definitely be delays. He could have a perfectly normal life. Even bio children whose parents have never used drugs still struggle with things like delays, ADD, ADHD, etc. these days. I'd take that baby in, absolutely love & nurture him/her and pray for the best. Good luck with your decision.

    PS-Since this would be a kinship placement, be prepared that she might get the baby back. I know you can't see that now, but you just don't know. I would still take the baby even knowing that, rather than have him going into foster care. If you take the baby now, you bond now. It you wait & get the baby later from FC, the baby will have bonded to fparents & start over.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:23 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Our son's birth mother was using meth during our son's pregnancy. He is 2-1/2 and the smartest little thing I've seen. He walked at 9 months and has been on the move ever since. He had a minor delay in talking and we began speech therapy through Early Childhood Intervention right before his second birthday. It's been a year and he's starting to talk up a storm. Even when he was evaluated for speech, they said his comprehension of language was on target, just his expressive language was delayed. He probably would have talked on his own anyway later, but we wanted him to have every resource available. The service is covered by Medicaid, and without Medicaid they have a sliding scale. For us, it was free. He doesn't have any physical problems at all. Good luck to you.

    *Good advice, Iamgr8teful!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • What wonderful advice!
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 4:01 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • That's a big thing that only you and your husband can decide together. I would only suggest taking your time and both of you talking about the pro's and con's as well as establishing an understanding on where outside family members will be involved in this child's rearing. Good Luck to you guys!
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 4:19 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Would I? YES! And I did. He is absolutely wonderful, beautiful and has no delays whatsoever. He is the most amazing, loving, attached, expressive little boy you could ever meet. He never went through any withdrawl symptoms or anything, he had some pneumonia at birth but that's it. He is as healthy as you could imagine.

    Good luck to you!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

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