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Thinking of leaving my husband

It's sad. We've only been married for a year and 4 months, but I honestly don't see this lasting. Things changed so quickly once we married.
Basically, I'm miserable and I don't think he's happy either. I won't go into details because I'll begin to ramble.
My question is should I wait for the holidays to be over before I tell him we need to seperate (whether temporary or for good)? I do love him, but not sure if i'm IN love with him. I don't want the holidays to be miserable. Especially since our daughter is involved.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I would probably wait till after Christmas.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Have you considered counseling. After all you stated you love him, your not always going to be "in love" with your husband, this is not a romance novel this is real life. Instead of focusing on seperation, focus on if there is anything at all that could potentially save the marriage after all there are already children involved.

    Answer by FuzNet at 4:04 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • it is a shame. is there any hope at all? My marriage almost broke up also and it was really difficult. But we stuck to it and it did work out in the end. what helped me was letting God into my heart and my husband eventually followed, it took a while but we are still here and have another addition to our family because of it. Good luck to you, be well.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • If you are not being abused then you may want to wait simply to plan things out. Get your ducks in a row and then present him with your concerns and ideas after xmas. New Year's is a great time to start new things imo.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:10 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • That whole I love him but am not in love with him thing just means the warm fuzzies have worn off. If you divorce him and later remarry you will simply find yourself in the same situation again down the road.

    Marriage isn't about all of the warm giddy feelings we get in the beginning. It's about seeing each other at our worst and still loving and supporting one another. It's about taking care of one another and looking out for each other. It's about building a home and raising a family.

    When someone says I love my husband but I'm not in love with him, they are really saying they still have a lot of growing and maturing to do (no insult intended at all, I went throug this too when I was in my early 20's). Usually when I woman is discontent in her marriage but says she loves her husband, the problem is with herself. (cont'd)

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:29 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • I'm the odd one out here. Don't sit around miserable and make your daughter's Christmas bad just so the holidays can be "nice". There is still a good three weeks to Christmas. Talk now. Sitting around waiting will only make it worse. If you think he'll consider counseling then bring that up. If it can be worked out, it will happen there. Good luck to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • OP here........I guess I should rephrase that... I care for him, but it's closer to the way I care for a friend. When I say i love him, it's almost like saying how I love my best friend. I'm not sure I love him the way a woman should love/care for her husband. I realize that the whole "in love" feeling is not there 24/7, but shouldn't it be there occasionally?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • (cont'd)
    Women tend to get married and then forget how to be an individual...that individual that their husband first fell in love with. They instead expect their husband to make them happy 100% of the time and that's just not possible. You need to find happiness within yourself and come back to your marriage, reconnecting with your husband, as a whole and complete person.

    You need to find a hobby or an interest. You need to find good female friends that are good wives and mothers to support, guide, and advise you.

    Your not being able to pinpoint a specific reason for disolving the marriage speaks volumes. You are placing your unhappiness and discontent on your husband's shoulders when it's not his burden to bare. Start taking better care of you, more pride in your home, and do a better job of protecting your marriage and I think you'll be much happier.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:32 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • "I realize that the whole "in love" feeling is not there 24/7, but shouldn't it be there occasionally? "

    No. It will come and go througout the course of a healthy marriage, especially after children.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:34 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

  • Being "in love" is just a feeling which comes and goes with the blowing of the wind. To love a person is multiple times better than to be in love with him. I think you just need to learn what to do and you will find you are happier than you ever believed possible. This is the man that you chose out of all the men in the world to be your husband and the father of your child. If you will concentrate on making him the happiest man on the planet, you will be come the happiest woman. Where we get in trouble is when we start thinking that "I'm not happy so this must have been the wrong thing to do." Do and say loving things to and for your husband and you will soon find the feelings return. Our feelings follow our thoughts and our actions. Your marriage is worth the effort and the truth is that if you marry again, you will experience the exact same thing. Marriage is a learning process. Don't give up before you start!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:38 PM on Dec. 3, 2009

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