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Who comes first ?

I don't know if this will cause some sort of debate or whatnot but it is something I have wonderd for a long time, so i am going to ask it anyways....

Do you chose your husband/SO over your children ? I cant imagine ever doing or even saying that... I know there are sooo many woman who say their relationships with their SOs come before the relationships with their children...I guess i just don;t understand it, I love my husband, he is my best friend, but if it came down to it, I would chose my kids over him in a heartbeat.

Does that sound wrong to you or if you are one of those people can you just kind of explain ...I am not going to bash you, I am just really curious how someone is like that...

Also I want to make clear, if you do say that you do put your SO before your children, I know that doesnt make you a bad mother.....


Asked by glamomomo at 2:34 AM on Dec. 4, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 11 (568 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I have always thought Children come first, but then my mother pointed out something to me. She said treat your husband better because your children will always leave you. No matter how good you are to them, they always move out and if you have treated your husband like crap in favor of your children your going to be all alone when your kids leave. But then again..your children wont actually be gone forever, your husband could always cheat on you, beat you, abuse you, divorce you etc.. but your children will always be your children. I say treat them all equally. give them equal love and affection, and then you dont have to worry about any of them leaving you

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 4:41 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Children are meant to grow up and move out and have families of their own, my hubby and I are going to be together forever, so he is my main priority. Of course I love our children dearly and we both do all we can for them make sacrifices for them, but when they are older if its between him or them I choose my husband. Just like my husband chose me over his parents, when it came down to my well being and keeping his parents happy he chose me, thats what happens in life and I would expect my children to honor their SO and make that relationship their priority

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • My children come first. If you ask my husband he will say the same thing.

    Answer by Gealach at 2:50 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • ..yeah, my husband says the same thing first too.

    I wanted to add...My mom always put my dad first, they are still together now after 23 years but she said that is one thing she has always regreted was putting him first... I dont think that has anything to do with my feeling she never told me this until after I had my own kids... but I dont know, maybe that has made me feel this way, although I wouldnt change my mind, i jsut feel like when they are grown then I can put my husband first....but I hate to say it, but then my grandchildren might come first....and I am sure my husband will say the same...

    Answer by glamomomo at 2:55 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • oops sorry i meant he says the same thing too, that they come first for him also.

    Answer by glamomomo at 2:58 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I think that your marriage (only if he's the father off ALL your children) should be nurtured before your relationships with anyone else including your children. I don't necessarily think that they come first but that relationship should be your main priority if that makes any sense. However all the rules change if you get remarried or have children in different relationships. Then your children should come first proortuty ALWAYS.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I don't agree with anon :43 you sound like my own mother and this shit will blow up in your face. My Father beat the shit out of me for a few years and one night he really beat me up and I ran away and the cops found me and called CPS and when they called my mother to ask her if she would take me back home and my father goes to his parents house she said put her in a foster home. I am 32 and this has been 17 yrs and i still can't forgive that women for doing that to me she never put me first and I don't give to shits my CHILDREN COME FIRST IN MY EYES AND MY DH's EYES ALSO. We have the later years to focus on the things we have missed out on this is the time for US to raise our children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • If my husband was abusive then I would absoultely put my children first and wouldn't be in a relationship with him. Aparently I didn't explain it well but I meant it as anon :03 said it, the marital relationship needs to be nurtured first. The children we have are both of ours and of course we make sacrifices for them while they are little and make sure they feel very loved but we also don't forget us. Children learn about love from their parents so if parents don't have a strong loving relationship children will get a poor view of what love in a relationship is suppose to be.
    I realize you are bitter but you may want to get therapy, chances are your mother was being abused too and was too scared and emotionally messed up by your father to do what was best for you and if you can learn why things happened maybe you can learn to forgive, harboring a grudge isn't healthy for you

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • wow anon:19 bitchy much.
    I guess I've never really thought about putting anyone "first" my DH and I love our children beyond words and we also love each other greatly. We work together as a family and keeping THE FAMILY as a top priority meaning all of us, not just husband or me or children

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Anon:36 osrry you missunderstood what I wrote about my mom.... she wasnt abused or anything, what I meant by her chosing my dad over us was.... if he wanted to do something, we would do what he wanted, instead of doing something for the family...or having more date nights than family nights.....and I never realized any of this until after my mom made it a point of telling me that is how it I never felt like I was holding a grudge or anything like that......

    And the reason I feel that my kids come first is because no matter what they will always be my kids... I will be their only mother...but I could have 5 or more husbands..... My relationship with my children will last until i die, there is only a 50% chance he will still be my husband...

    Answer by glamomomo at 4:10 AM on Dec. 4, 2009