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what would you do with a neighbor like this?

my downstairs neighbor screams at her kids. constantly it seems like. the kids are 3 and 4 and she will scream cuss words at them (such as what the fuck are you doing, put that goddamn thing away, etc). we can hear every word that is said. the kids are usually crying so bad.
my hubby talked to child services and since there isn't any evidence of her hitting them or anything like that, there isn't anything they can do unless someone calls the military police station one night (we are on a military base). he wants to do that. i'm not sure what to do. not only will she know it was us (there is only one other family near her) and it will screw things up more than they already are but the kids act normal. my heart just hurts for those babies. what would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:58 AM on Dec. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (35)
  • What I would do is #1 I would talk to the mom. I would say something like 'you may not be aware of it, but the floors are not very thick. We can hear you yelling at your kids, and frankly the noise, language really bother me. Could you please keep it down from now on and watch your mouth? My kids do not need to hear those words! I am giving you warning, if it keeps up I will call the MP on you".
    I am not condoning her yelling (or choice of words) - maybe she does not realize how bad she sounds, and your talk could be a wake up call to her, and maybe she will get her act together.
    If she does not make an effort and keeps up the yelling and such, then I would definately turn her in for being Noise disturbance.
    Are there any family support or parenting services? Maybe leave a flyer for that on her doorstep or in her mailbox.
    I hope all works out!

    Answer by MizLee at 9:25 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Child services sadly wont do anything about verbal abuse. I really would call the MPs when you hear it. Get it on a police record and then child services can investigate it. Everytime you hear call the police. Those pooor children. Noone deserves to live that way.

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 5:34 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Do you care more about what the mother thinks about you or the children? The woman clearly needs anger management and parenting classes.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:07 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • OP. i really don't care what she thinks. what i more worry about is if we call and they investigate and find nothing physically wrong if things will just get worse for the kids you know what i mean? or that i'm jumping the gun completely. or she would be fine at home and treat them like dirt when no one could hear her. i've never been presented with this situation before so i'm really at a loss as of what to do. like i told my husband, there isn't any signs of physical abuse and the kids don't act afraid of her or anything and are happy kids, its just what we can hear through the floor every day

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I would still call everytime you hear it. You dont want to turn your back then one day it get worse on its own.
    I grew up abused , physically and verbally. Believe me there is nothing worse then knowing that someone could had helped put a stop to it.
    Think of those kids. If you keep reporting it then something wil be done. If she gets enough reports it can even be grounds for the children to go in to foaster care until further investigation is done. I went in foaster care and it was the best thing for me when I was little I LOVED my foaster parents.

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 6:28 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Before I call anyone, I would contact the mother directly or indirectly. Preferably indirectly: with pamphlets on the various kinds of abuse. My thought is that you can't do better until you know better. I too used to have a very foul mouth. Between my husband making me aware of it and going to counseling, I've gotten much better.

    Answer by Ewadun at 6:41 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • The best approach might be to try and make friends with her and help her learn how to better parent her children. More than likely, she grew up in a home where she was yelled and cursed at, and she is just repeating learned behavior. Perhaps all she needs is for someone to show her a better way, and that person could be you!

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:59 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • She sounds like she's in need of a break. Perhaps you could befriend her and maybe offer to watch her kids for a couple of hours. Maybe say something like "it sounds like the kids are driving you a little nuts today, would you like me to watch them for you for a couple of hours?" She might not take you up on it but it will sort of snap her to attention to realize that she's screaming so loudly that other people can hear her...maybe that is enough to help her realize what she's doing to her kids.

    Answer by Kimposible at 7:31 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Go at it from another the base officials because of the NOISE factor. Don't be specific about her yelling at her kids...but just the noise. If you call saying that "she's yelling at her kids" they're liable to say "um..okay, so what?" But being disrespectful of neighbors by being LOUD and disturbing you in general is liable to get you further. And, if in the process of speaking to her/her husband about the noise levels they will notice anything with the kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • i say stay out of her bissness.u dont know what she mite be going throw ..

    Answer by KRIZZ25 at 7:51 AM on Dec. 4, 2009