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The positives & negatives of "Find My Family" (show)

I watched an episode this week of a girl looking for her brother 16 months older than she & a woman with 3 children looking for her birth mother.

Pos: In both cases the adoptees were shown as coming from very loving adoptive homes, and despite all that, still having a "yearning" to meet someone in their birth families and them being encourage by the AP's to do this. (We know that not all reunions are successful) These reunions were shown as "happy".

Pos: The girl who found her brother, also found a younger sister. She said to her, "You represent that even though they couldn't afford me, that since you were born, that everything turned out OK." That financially it got better. She was OK with that.

Neg: Sibs of the first girl were told that the baby (un-named) died at childbirth.

Neg: 2nd case, Birth mom was in foster care, & upon discovering her pregnancy, "FDad wasted no time with adoption". She had no choice.


Asked by doodlebopfan at 11:11 AM on Dec. 4, 2009 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I have mostly positive feelings about the show because it encourages people to search and reunite, and I am 100% in favor of that. However, it does bother me sometimes when a birth mom says she knows she did the right thing as though she ir promoting the idea of relinquishment. THAT is not a message that I want to promote because I think it is the minority opinion. And yes, I have difficulty with the idea of celebrating adoption in shows and making it appear to have a happy ending. Obviously, sometimes adoptions may cause happy endings for SOME of the parties, but even when there is a happy reunion it does not alwaya erase or make up for the past or the sadness and pain that may pop up intemittently for a lifetime. However, people who want to search already usually receive plenty of discouragment when they mention searching, so I am glad for a show that lets them know that reunions can be fulfilling and successful.

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:24 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • What have you seen positive or negative in this show? I know those with younger children probably aren't watching it as well as those who don't like "sensationalizing" adoption issues. Nevertheless, here it is. What good/bad will come of it in your opinion? What would you LIKE to see come of it?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:13 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I dont' watch shows like that, in my mind they are ALL bad

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:17 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I agree that I was hesitant at first and had seen some posts in some of my groups where AP's felt that it would discount the adoptive families that raised the now adult (have to be 18 on the show), however, it did not do this at least on the one episode that I watched. Also, I do realize that ratings will prevail at some point, and the "niceness" will probably wear off. Maybe it will open the eyes of adoptive parents that their children may one day want to search, or open the eyes of adoptees that perhaps their fears of searching/not searching are validated, and that birth families are not all bad people who didn't love or want their children. One could hope, right?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:30 AM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I don't plan to watch. TV and Hollywood rarely, if ever, get adoption right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • "One could hope right?" From your lips to Gods ears.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Neg - I don't like that stupid hill they have to climb up to get to their family members. Haven't they been through enough?
    Pos - If adoptive parents do watch and see how important those siblings were to each other they might be encouraged to nuture their relationships. Like you said, one could hope.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I guess that hill & "family tree" is definitely supposed to symbolize the steep hills they've climbed in searching. It was hard to watch them climb that again. I agree.

    I think that many AP's do appreciate the siblings' relationships. I know some on here who are close to the bio siblings and refer to them as such. But I also remember some (two in particular) who don't consider the bio siblings as siblings anymore. I think that is sad and unrealistic. I also think that will come back on them in the future.

    I do understand that many birth mothers simply CANNOT watch this show. I do not blame them at all. If they have placed in the past few years, the emotions are too raw and painful. Even first mothers who have reunited may see these types of shows "celebrating" adoption & EMCA's may see this & think that adoption is "ponies & rainbows", but we know that it has both positive & negative aspects. Maybe too one-sided?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 5:49 PM on Dec. 4, 2009