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NEED HELP!!

So I have a friend that is married with a toddler and one on the way. They are trying to move here but can't afford to get a apartment or anything right away so she wants a room to live in for free. I feel soo bad because i have a 4 bedroom house and I could have them stay with us but the thing is that they are the laziest people ever and her husband will eat us out of the house. When they come to visit they don't lift a finger. Im also expecting and have a toddler. How can i tell her this is why i dont want them staying here? I dont know what to do? I would love to help a friend in need but don't feel like picking up after 3 adults and 2 toddlers. Did I mention i like my house spotless? They are pigs and won't help with groceries. NEED HELP!!!!

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babygirlayla

Asked by babygirlayla at 12:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If she is your friend, she should be able to understand. I would tell her why you dont' want them to move in. If she doesn't take it well or gets mad, then she is really not a true friend, just a mooch
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:49 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I would just tell her your dh said no......
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 1:43 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I think the best thing you could tell her is that you are afraid living in the same house will ruin your friendship, because it will, you know. You will end up being mad at each other and your friendship will be done. I would tell her, if she should ask to live in your house, that you think too highly of her to risk ruining your friendship.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:45 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • So they are moving without havig a job? That is not responsible at all. If they are not working and cannot afford to contribute I would def lay down ground rules. Tell them they need to pick up after themselves and help around the house. Clean and cooking breakfast, lunch or dinner. Give them a time limit of how long they can stay 3, 6 months. Tell them after that they definitely need to move. If you are not a strong person and cannot tell them this don't even bother having them come stay with you. They will walk all over you, stay forever, eat you out of house and home and this will probably end your friendship. Good luck to you.
    Jguevara

    Answer by Jguevara at 1:50 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Did she ask if they could stay with you or do you think she's just wondering why you haven't offered?
    If it comes up again, I would be honest without being hurtful. I think what one of the previous posters stated, that you wish you could offer them a place to stay but you would worry their friendship would suffer. Also with you having both a toddler and a baby on the way, I think its pretty safe to say that you really can't handle to intensify the possiblity of added stress to your life at this time.
    I know its hard sometimes with friends to not feel guilty when they are in need and you are in a position to possible help. However first and foremost you have to do what is comfortable for you and your family.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:29 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Tell her that the ONLY way she can live with you, is if y'all make an agreement & have it signed. You need to tell her maybe jokingly, that you are analy clean & that you don't want to be cleaning up after anyone. Tell them they cannot eat your food, that they have to buy their own groceries & tell her she only has 1-2 months to stay.

    If she was my friend, i would let her stay ONLY under those circumstances. It may sound bitchy to give her all those rules, but it is the only way it will work out. And if it either of them do not follow YOUR HOUSE RULES....then go get your signed piece of paper & hang it on her door & highlight the part that she is not doing. It is anal, but that is what i would do. She has a place to stay, so she would have no right to complain.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:35 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • i would tell her how you feel about it. tell her if you let her stay with you that she needs to help provide with the groceries. pick up after herself and her children like it was her own house. because they are you friends and they are in need of help, do try to help them. but make sure they are trying to help themselves as well. but if nothing works out, you can always tell them that it is time for them to go. its not easy, but it would be better than worrying for them. good luck and please let me know what you thought of my advise. thanks
    krisew90

    Answer by krisew90 at 3:51 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Friends remain friends when they don't live together. If they can't afford a place then why would they move there? Why cant they go live with family?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:20 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • A BIG FAT NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Being honest is best... If you make up a bunch of excuses it's just going to lead to more problems. Tell her you're sorry, but you can't.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 7:03 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

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