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My stepson and his... "wrong spot"

My SS, 8, is obsessed with his penis. IT got so bad, that if he stuck his hands down his pants, he would have to go to his room and stay there for 30 mintues because it happened so much. Well last week, he was taking a bath. I walked in the bathroom to set the towel and his clothes down and as I glanced in the shower curtain to make sure he was okay, because he was being so quiet, I noticed that he had a toy on his penis. IT was a happy meal toy that is like a trash can type thing and anyways, it was closed shut over his penis. Well I told him to remove it and he said no. Before I could pull the shower curtain back, I noticed that around it, it had turned blue so I went to screaming out of fear. Take it off, Now! Well he wouldn't because he said it felt good. Finally, it fell off and I grabbed it and threw it in the trashcan. But he's obsessed with it and has begun putting more things on it. My mother, who has a degree in ....

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Dec. 4, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (13)
  • OP here: has a degree in child psychology said that it was a sign of being molested but it could just be that he has a strong sensation in it, and likes the way it feels. But now, he has started sticking his fingers inside his butt. My husband feels like this is all normal so he isn't concerned. I'm extremely concerned though. At his mothers, where he lives 4 days out of the week, he sleeps with either, her mom and dad (she lives at her parents) or her and her boyfriend. I'm wondering if maybe he has seen someone else having sex and is now very curious. Do you think that this could just happen if he hadn't been being molested or seeing something or do you think it's possible that something else is going on. Also, this has been going on for about 2 months. In the last two months, his grades have all fallen to D's and F's and has been getting in trouble nonstop at school. He's a totally different kid now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Where did you go?

    It is normal for boys to play with their penises, but to leave something clamp on there ouch! You doing the right thing but you might want to have his dad talk to him bc you don't want your ss to think it is very wrong to masterbate. He is just exploring I mean what else can you do.

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:17 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • With the personality changes, slipping grades etc.. I would think something is going on. I am all for kids exploring their private parts and to a degree it is VERY normal but with the extent he is going too and the fact that he is sticking things up his behind has me a little concerned. I know alot of kids that play with their penis or vagina but I personally have never hear of going the anal route. I would talk to his ped and do some research as to what is normal and what is red flags and show hubby.. Go to unbiased sites with the research, alot of info is out there and some is not true it is from religious groups so just be careful and find a site that is credible.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:22 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Given the personality change and the falling grades I would say something is very wrong. Talk to your husband. Make him understand that his son seriously needs help and is possibly being sexually abused.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I have 2 boys 5 and 8 and yes they do touch but do not play around with it. And the butt thing is really weird to me. I think your Mom is right he's been molested or seen something that he shouldn't have. I would have your Husband talk to him. Have you guys talked with his Mother??? I would set up some counseling esp since it's affecting his school work and attitude! I think there's a serious issue here. Best of luck!

    Answer by mommymine3 at 1:27 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • We have tried talking this mother. She doesn't believe a word we say and has attempted to tell us that he doesn't do that there. Which is a total lie, because her mother tells us all the time to please say something to him about doing that because he does it all the time. I've heard that little boys play with their penis's but I don't think it's something to do right there in the living room either, ya know? and he'll go out to eat and try to do that. It's a nearly constant thing! My hubby won't talk to his ex about it, because he says that if he does, and upsets her, that she'll get mad and he doesn't want to make her mad? WTF? I don't get that!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Sounds like something may be or has happened. I would prayerfully start trying to get him to open up in subtle ways.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I agree with the above..could have been what he witnessed on TV or in the house, and his living situation is kinda crowded so the stress could be causing the grades to slip...but i would want to get him examined and maybe talk to him a little bit...i think its time to talk to him about sex all together. He seems really into masturbating...which is fine for kids...they ALL do it...but I would think enjoying pain at this age is a bit extreme! awkward situation to be in, but becareful what you push for because you dont want it to push your husband away. Just point out what youve noticed and assure him that the problem isnt him touching himself..but the WHOLE picture and what it could mean! if he still doesnt seem to care, iw ould be concerened about HIM at that point

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 1:42 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • get the kid to the doctors NOW. my son has accidently seen us having sex and he hasnt tried to do any of that stuff. thats NOT normal.. it seems like someone is doing it to him- especially with the butt incident. and with being 8, he shouldnt be sleeping with people in their beds. he needs to have his own room, his own space so he can explore his body if need be.

    FYI- masturbation around this age is normal. i started around that age as well.. but the pain on his penis and the butt should be a big concern.. as well as his grades.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I highly doubt he is being abused. He just discovered what makes him feel good. It is called masturbation and it is normal. WOW. Stop freaking out. As long as he is doing so in PRIVACY, he is ok. You should also KNOCK before entering the bathroom or his bedroom. He may be a child but he deserves privavcy and respect too.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:21 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

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