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Why do I feel like I have to Kiss My Daughters AM butt all the time

She was all nice and caring my Pregnancy and Now I feel like I have to kiss her butt just to get updates I feel like I was taken advantage of She knew we were struggling with money and throwing it around like it grew on trees and since I couldnt pay it back I felt obligated to give her my baby even tho I wanted to keep her

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Dec. 4, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • Sooo your saying you gave up your baby to your daughter and she acts as if she doesn't appreciate what you do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Something doesn't sound right about this post.. You are the Mother, got pregnant and in a tight spot so your Daughter helped you out and because of it you felt obligated to hand over your baby? Do I have this right, if this is the case this post really sounds like a teenager that gave her baby to her mother and now regrets it... If you have signed no papers and can take care of this child you can get the baby back. I am sorry OP if this is the true situation, contact family court or a lawyer and see what you can do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • No, I think she is talking about the adoptive Mom of the OP's baby girl. Unfortunately open adoptions agreements aren't something that can be legally enforced yet. Part of me hopes they never will. My sons bio mom calls constantly. She gets EXACTLY what we agreed to but she wants more. She now wants us to fly her HERE and have Christmas with her here. Not going to happen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • AM = adoptive mom

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I feel the same way too. In a way, if you want to know anything about your birth child you kind of have to kiss her butt because that is the only link you have to your birth child until your child is old enough and wants to know you. It sucks, but that is how it is.

    Answer by Ms.Maricel at 6:27 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • This has fake post written all over it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Yes, the question is about having to "kiss butt" of her daughter's Adoptive Mom.

    OP-My thinking is that you feel that you have to tread lightly just to keep the adoption open as promised. You're afraid that one "wrong move" from you may be misinterpreted by them & give them an excuse to shut you out. As a result, you may over-analyze every contact that you have with them. I am saddened that you feel this way & I hope that the adoption stays open for your DD's sake. The reply from Anon 3:53, while thoroughly honest (thank you for posting, Anon) may only add to your frustration. While OA's aren't legally enforceable, morally promises should be kept.

    I realize that Anon 3:53 is keeping her end of the agreement & now birth mom may want "more", but it does show that even the most well-intentioned OA's can be disatisfying to one/both parties. It's what most first moms try to say can happen, but few listen. Not bashing.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 6:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Anon 5:46-The fact that you don't understand that birth mothers feel this way towards adoptive parents sometimes (not always) just shows that you may not know many in their situation. Imagine how you would feel if your ex-husband was the sole custodian of your child. If he was the one saying when & where you could see your child. At least you would have the court on your side because you can't cut the other parent off without some form of abuse/neglect being involved. However, a perfectly sane, normal, caring birth mother can be cut out altogether.

    I don't want to be too negative because I know that there are open adoptions that are very successful, healthy for all involved, and the parents (all) work at it for the sake of the child. Not all OA's have major problems, but there should be more "educating" of all parties as to exactly how demanding & uncomfortable you might be at times & how to work thru it. JMHO.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:02 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • OP, I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I think that OA relationships are very tricky because they are so important. Even in the best of circumstances, even if the APs have given no reason for the bmom to feel that way, they probably still do.

    I remember having a very open and honest discussion with the bmom of our oldest child shortly after she was placed with us. I confessed that my big fears before placement were that bmom would change her mind (which would have been her right, of course), and that people in the bfamily would not be happy with my parenting. DD's bmom said that her biggest fear was that we wouldn't keep in contact. After 5 years, I hope that fear has lessened, but I'm sure it will always be there to some degree.

    I still think OA is an improvement over totally closed adoptions (in most cases), but it's so important that people follow through on their promises.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:34 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I agree with a previous poster. This post sounds fake as hell.

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:50 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

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