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i want out.. i want someone to take him!

i cannot stand my 3yo anymore.. i had a baby about 16 weeks ago and even before baby came he started to act up. we can NOT go shopping cant go for walks NOTHING because this little brat WONT listen. we are consistant with his punishments he gets why he is going into time out. he knows what he is doing is wrong and yet he still does it.
he has given my baby a black eye and drew blood on her from more than one occassion..
I am beging to resent and hate him..
i long for his bed time so i can get things done and have my mind.
I clean the kitchen he trashes the bathroom i make him help me clean it up but as i go into fold clothes he goes in the kitchen and trashes what i just cleaned.
he gets alot of one on one time with both of us.. I just can not take this kid anymore. I am on a very high does of zoloft about to go to prozac.
I hate my self right now!
can anyone help me or at least give me some advice
PLEASE No BASHING

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Dec. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Many small children do this. They resent the new baby. Find a way to have him help you with the new baby so he won't resent her so strongly. He is probably reacting to your negative energy too so you have to learn to calm yourself and remain calm. Three year olds do NOT understand as much as you think they do so I'm not up for time outs for 3 yr olds. Deal with the issue of sibling rivalry and I think you will be ok. Look it up on a search engine and see if there are tips on how to help with it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:58 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • You need to figure out what is important to him and take it away. His emotional capital. If you get upset he HAS you, Find ways to protect yourself and the new baby, which can include putting a lock on the door, a safe room of sorts. He is pushing your buttons, and you need to find a way to not let everything he does matter. You cant let what he does get to you, and do whats needed to safe. Do not go back and forth with him, find a way to get back control and the one way is render what he is trying to do not important. Do not feel bad kids are master manipulators and have nothing to lose. I know, I was a teacher.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Do you have a relative or close friend you can take him to for the weekend or even one night or a couple of hours? It sounds like you really need a break. There is no shame in asking for help, when my son (now 16 yo) was 2 yo I left the grocery store in the middle of shopping took him to my SIL and said take him for a couple of hours b/c I could not deal with him anymore at that point. I sat in her driveway crying for 20 minutes that I was such a terrible mom (and still tearing up thinking about it) I thought didn't deserve him, but what I really needed was the break.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 5:00 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I agree - find someone and take a day off from him, for starters! It sounds like you could use a break.
    OR put him in some kind of headstart program or something? Even spend a day alone with him - some mommy/big kid time might help.
    I think figuring out what his favorite thing (not a blanket or security toy but like a TV show or treats, things he doesn't need) and not letting him do it. OR when you punish him, make sure you're consistent. DON'T make empty threats &don't give him 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th chances. He gets 1 chance - if he knows the rules.
    My whole mindset is that I won't take crap from my kids. I am the boss and they ARE going to listen to me. If I feel defeated, I don't do it in front of them. I don't BEG them to do things. They do it or they will be in trouble.
    Also I think rewarding good behavior - no matter how small is a good idea. And don't give as much attention to bad behavior (unless violent) than needed
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 5:08 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • For starters, you need a day off. Secondly, we had trouble with our 3 year old when the baby was born. We discovered that if we spent 1 on 1 time with him (at least 30 minutes per day) preferably in the morning he was much easier to handle throughout the day. Hope it gets better for you.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 5:29 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Ok, clearly you need a break. You also just had a baby, so your hormones are raging. But this is your child! You need to get some perspective. 3 yr old boys can be very hard to deal with. I have a 3 yr old boy and he is going thru a demon stage now too. I know you are tired etc. But his behavior is normal to an extent...yours is not. You need to spend one on one time with him. Obviously he is feeling neglected. Negative attention is better than none at all. Join a mom and me play group for support. Get away from him once in awhile. The children who are hardest to love are usually the ones needing it the most. Discuss his behavior with a peditrician..be honest about how you deal with him and his behavior. They may suggest an evaluation, but until then and after that, you are still his mother. If you won't stick by him who will?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 7:13 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • I think you need a break! After you have a break and clear your head, you and you dh need to sit down and discuss what it causing these problems with him and address them that way. Something is not working and you two need to figure out what. I agree with salexander, that his behavior is normal, but is certainly not. He is going to feed off of your mood as well. You need to get some help from a relative or friend during the day for a few weeks until you can get it together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • about where do youlive if you are near me I would be happy to baby sit for you and give you a break. I have two boys that are 3 and two. and twin girls that are almost 9 months. just send me a message.
    Dee060709

    Answer by Dee060709 at 12:52 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

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