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going for child support question

i made a deal with the father of my son that if he supplied what my son needed when it was needed that he could see him when he felt like it. well it's been three years and he's not seen him once and it's been almost 5 years since he gave anything for him. now i don't think he has the right to take him over night or without supervision (he's tried to take his other child AND he smokes , my son has asthma and can't be around smoke) i don't trust him to not smoke near my son nor do i trust him not to do drugs near him. so my question is... is there a way to go after him for child support without him getting partial custudy nor unsupervised visitations? i live 600 mils from him but my family lives in the same state as he did (last i saw him anyway) and i have no problem having my son stay with my family but i can't trust them to not let him have him without them being there. how would you go about this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • child support and custody are two TOTALLY unrelated issues. period. they may not feel that way to you, but thats how it is in court. if you can show just cause why he should not have unsupervised visitation, then you likely will have to provide 50% of the transportation for visitation. you are entitled to child support, and they will likely both be addressed in the same hearing, but are truly in the eyes of the law, unrelated.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 5:38 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • Were you two married? I was not married to my children fathers and at the child support hearing outside when you get ready to go in they asked me if we wanted visitation written in the child support order and I said no we could work it out on our own,(even though I had no plans of that). And the for my second child I told the lady---you are not suppose to even ask me that because they are two seperate things, and yes we will work it out on our own! (still no plans) It worked out great, I have sole custody, and the fathers lost intrest long ago, kids are actually work not all play ya know-- and do not bother us. And they do not pay there child support either but, it is still ordered and if they win money they will have arrears to pay!!!

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 5:48 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • And my kids fathers can see them but they need to tell me at least a day ahead of time, they pick up and drop off, no overnights, no out of town, no girlfriends, no eating out and not too many treats, unless they are fruit and no horse riding, no ATV riding, and if I already have plans already they are shit out luck.


    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 5:55 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • In my county child support and child custody are two different things and are handled completely separately. BUT child support is based off of the percentage of time spent with the non custodial parent so if an order is granted then I wouldnt be surprised if he takes you to court for visitation. But considering it has been 3 years since he has seen his son... he wouldnt get any more than supervised visits.


    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 6:24 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • he hasn't seen his son since he was 2 years old, the child has no idea he is his father, last time he seen him my son called him by his first name just like his siblings did because he didn't know who he was (he thought he was a friend of one of my brothers)

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • The PPs gave good advice. if you are concerned about the laws in your state, contact your county women's resource center. Sometimes it will be the women's shelter. They can put you in contact with lawyers who may take your case for free. get back payments. You can always have his wages garnished.

    Answer by ecodani at 7:16 PM on Dec. 4, 2009

  • You can go after him for child support without giving him visitations. They are two separate things. The mother automatically has full custody in a non-married couple. You have the right to tell him no and there's nothing he can do until he takes you to court for visitation rights. If he hasn't taken interest in 3 years, there's not too much of a chance that he will do anything now.

    My teen gets child support every once in a while. He chooses not to call her or see her or try for rights. I've lived my life without him, including moving out of state. He asked once how I could get away with doing that. Of course it was 7 years after I moved.

    Answer by sammygrl77 at 4:09 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

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