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Will you tell me something?

I'm feeling really down tonight. I have so much to be happy for but i'm just really missing my mom. I lost her in April of this year. My Yule/Christmas tree & all of its decorations were all my moms. I didn't expect to be feeling this way because my mom always hated Christmas but i'm worried i will not enjoy it this year. && i need to. My husband & i & our two boys will be having our first REAL Yule/Christmas together this year. I NEED it to be special & happy. ...but it just feels so wrong that i haven't spoken to her in almost 8 months. SO wrong that i haven't invited her & my brother to share their Christmas with us. (my brother is now my son). I miss her & i wish i could hear her complain about how ugly my tree looks or how rude people are at this time of year, just to have her turn around & tell me a story about which homeless person she fed last month or what needy family she plans to help this year.
I miss her.

 
outstandingLove

Asked by outstandingLove at 2:17 AM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I cannot say I completely understand your situation, but I do understand the feeling of slight loneliness when it comes to not having those you care about around, whether they are complaining constantly or complimenting. You have everything in the world to look forward too, just dont let the memory of her leave your mind. Maybe light a candle for her and read a poem or story that reminds you of her, it helped me with the loss of my father. It is hard, I know, but you cannot put your life on hold by holding on to something that isnt there anymore and there is nothing you can do to change it. I am sorry if I sound insensitive, I dont mean to be, but you have so much to look forward to this year and your family needs you more than you will ever imagine. Good luck sweetie and I really hope things look up for you. It all takes time and you will get through it without you even knowing how you did...
    sleepless2009

    Answer by sleepless2009 at 2:25 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I completely understand you. I miss my Mom too. She passed away a few years back as well. I still find myself wanting to call her just to tell her how my day went. I still miss her terribly and even miss her arguing with me. It does get better but we never get over it.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:44 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • We have all of my mom's ornaments backed up in a box. We've never used them. I still like them - I still have an attachment to them, but ours was also our first married tree the year she died. We started from scratch. It was truly a Charlie Brown tree, and it had maybe 2 dozen ornaments on the whole thing, but it helped. I still spent half the day running to the bathroom for kleenex, but it wasn't constantly surrounding me.

    I don't know if that would help you, everyone's different. Having your brother there complicates it more than what I had to deal with - my Dad was still alive then and came to visit, but he didn't live here. But give it some thought. A little new might help.

    OTOH, it's been 7 years since she passed and 2 now for my dad - I'll still use a lot of kleenex this month (started last week), but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 2:56 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Awe I'm sorry to hear that... She sounds like a wonderful lady
    ilovemyboys21

    Answer by ilovemyboys21 at 3:04 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • i'm sorry for your loss.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 3:36 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I'm really sorry of your loss. I can't say I understand what you are feeling but I know its completely normal and its alright to feel sad.  Maybe if your family did something in remembrance of your Mom it would help you feel she was still included in your holiday.  Take Care.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:27 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}  I know how you feel.  This will be my 2nd Christmas without my father and I still miss him so much. 

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 6:37 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Maybe you should ease up on the feeling that you HAVE TO have a wonderful Christmas...


    If you suppress this sadness you feel, every Christmas from now on will have a taint of this emotion.


    Celebrate her life (and hate of Christmas) by telling stories and crying it all out...much better IMO than trying to pretend that it is a happy time for you.


    Please accept my sympathies.

    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 7:33 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I lost My gramps 1 year ago tomorrow... he always sent birthday $ xmas greetings- which over the years i just kind of took as granted. this year though, as my kids birthdays came and went (and mine), and now the holiday season approaches i feel grief struck all over again. it's weird the things you miss (like having gotten happy 13th birthday cards 3 years in a row! or having your name spelled wrong each time-my nickname that is). i'll always cherish those things now.

    if you can not accept your grief, you will only prolong it. you must allow yourself to grieve (i know the process for me takes a lot longer- it just seems surreal that they are actually gone). allow yourself to feel pain, as physically crushing as it can be, and let it out. x-mas will be what it is, thats the natural course of events. remember the things that she imparted to the holiday, and carry them as tradition. if you do that, she will always be with you.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:00 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I lost my dad years ago. It hurts still. Holidays are the worst. I don't have great advice, but as time has gone by it does hurt less, I cry less and smile more at good memories. So cry when you need to, talk to us and to others, remember good times, even if it hurts a little. You will always have her with you, in your heart, in your mind, in who you are.
    ((((hugs))))
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 11:22 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

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