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WTH would you do? should this even be bothering me?

DH's father left him when he was 1 year old. DH has never seen his father since. Well as soon as DH and I got married his father found his Mom on myspace and then him. He will say hi every now and again but doesnt really talk to him. Well as soon as he found out we were expecting our first child he decided to come out here to visit a few months after the baby is born. We live in California and he lives in Florida. Well DH's Dad told him "While we(he and his new wife) are there we can go on a small vacation to the beach... You can leave the baby with your wife".... Uuuh excuse me! That bothered me a lot. Almost like I don't exist.. Or my DH doesnt have responsibilities here with me and the baby! Im happy DH will get to meet his Father but taking him to the beach 4 hours away for a week? He is coming to visit us shouldnt he stay in town and visit US.. as in the baby and I too? would this upset you?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:22 AM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (19)
  • Yes and I would make it known to them...

    Answer by sleepless2009 at 2:41 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Yes, be bothered. And sorry, but who the F does this dude think he is? He comes in the man's life after being MIA for how many years and then says "oh, leave the baby with your wife"?? Screw that dude!

    Answer by MsRich0225 at 2:42 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • You have every right to feel the way you feel.
    I would be hella pissed, and I would tell him. My husband wouldnt spend a night away from us for the world, and I would NOT let him when I have a newborn! New mommys need support and are alot more important that the dad who abandoned them when they were a baby.

    So is your husband going?
    Good luck with everything. I'm sorry you're going through this :(

    Answer by SpiritedTigress at 2:52 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I feel the same as everyone else. That guy is ridiculous. And I really hope your DH does NOT go. That's just insane. He doesn't even know the guy. Some random guy (basically) just said, hey lets go on a vacay and leave your wife and new baby home! WOOHOO!!!!!!! uhh.. doubt it. I would be fricken outraged. Good luck, and PLEASE keep us updated... ugh. men.

    Answer by mommykayti at 3:04 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I would be bothered by it. If you all are wanting to try to establish a relationship with this guy, then either 1) he comes alone to visit you all, 2) he and his new wife come to visit you all, 3) you ALL go to the beach to spend time together and bond, or 4) if it's really about you not going, then ONLY he and his bio dad should go - NOT with bio dad's new wife, too....

    Personally though, I wouldn't be so quick to have a come and visit and go on a trip together sort of relationship... I think I would start with phone calls, emails, etc...

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:38 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Oh, and one other thing, and I openly admit that my opinion is affected by my dad being absent when I was growing up and some things he pulled once I was married and had kids, but you know, in my opinion, if you choose to not be a parent when your kids are growing up, then you really have forfeited all rights to being a grandparent once they have kids of their own...

    Now, if you and your dh want to allow him to have a relationship with you and your little one, that's up to you, but honestly, I would take it slow, before he decides the "newness" or "fun of it" wears off, and he walks again, this time hurting you, your dh, and your baby...

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:40 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Oh, sorry - I forgot to ask - just because this is what he wants to do is one thing... How does your dh feel about it?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:41 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I would be pissed. He wasn't around throughout the entire childhood, and now that your husband needs to grow up and be a husband and father, he wants to help him shirk his responsibilities too? That is BS in my opinion. I also think you should start with things like regular emails and phone calls until the relationship is more founded, but as your husband is an adult, he can decide that. But I would raise Cain about this whole beach vacation thing.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:55 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Yes I would be very upset, and I would be extremely shocked if your DH went along with that. My Dh didnt meet his dad til he was 16. Never really heard much from him after that. Then we got married and had our son and his dad and grama started calling and writing more. Then my DH deployed and I saw my DH's father a few times, DS birthday things like that, well as soon as my DH came home from deployment 2 yrs ago, we havent heard from them since. my DH tries to call once a month but never gets an answer, so... not our problem.

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 3:56 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Yep. Who the hell is he to all of a sudden come in, and take your hubby away from you? UGH. I would tell BOTH of them that it's NOT happening that way. LOL

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 4:26 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

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