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Mixed feelings, not sure what to feel?

From the first week PP til about 6wks PP I would become very depressed every time I breastfed. I would cry, I would find myself resenting my baby, and it just kept getting increasingly worse until I found myself trying to skip feedings or at least go as long as I could between them. I was fine all day except while nursing. I decided that is was in the best interest to both me and my baby to transition to bottle feeding. I was unable to pump, even after buying 3 different pumps and then going out of my way to rent hospital grade. The frustration made unsuccessful pumpings almost as bad as how I felt before, so I switched to formula. Now, at 8wks PP I am finding myself becoming depressed during feedings again, this time because I feel like a complete failure as a mom. I feel as though I was selfish and I should have just sucked it up and dealt with my depression. I am at such a loss! I just want to be happy with my baby! Help?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:37 AM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • No, I do not think you were selfish to not want to feel depressed. However, I do think ANYONE feeling that way should seek professional help. Would you have kept bf? I don't know. But I wouldn't change anything until I talked to a professional, bf or ff, either way.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 11:34 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • You should talk to your dr about PP depression.
    ALOT of women end up with it. I had it as well and was on lexapro for 6 months. I now feel GREAT and have been off the meds for a month.
    Mrs.Owen86

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 6:32 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I FF all 3 of my kids and I never felt like a "bad" mom. I tried with all 3 to BF and they just weren't having it. They were all big at birth and waiting for 2-3 days for the milk to come in while surviving on the pre-milk just pissed them off! I also tried to pump and nothing. with the first and third child, my milk came in like a month after they were born and was dried up in a day. with the second, my milk never came in at all.

    Sometimes your body just doesn't react the way it should. But my kids don't consider me a "bad mom" so I don't really worry about other's opinions because I couldn't BF.
    Also, I have type 2 bipolar depression, I take st. john's wort for it (herbal remedy, you can get it at a pharmacy) and it works great with no side effects. I was on a lithium based anti depressent 11 years ago for 4 months and hated it. talk to your doctor, but try the SJW in the meantime - good luck!
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 6:50 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • First, you need to seek the help you need.

    Second, you CAN put the baby back to the breast, it is not too late -- your depression was independent of that even though you had linked the two together. .
    amileegirl

    Answer by amileegirl at 7:14 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I hated breastfeeding and went to all formula. There's really nothing to be upset about. It does sound like you might have PPD, so I would definitely talk to a doctor about that.

    You're not a failure. You recognized there was a problem and did what you needed to do in order to rectify the situation!!! You're feeding your baby, you're caring for your baby and doing the best you can for him!

    I hated breastfeeding to the point where I WISHED someone would come and take the baby so I didn't have to do it. So I didn't have to be in the same room with him. So I didn't have to look at him or hear him at all. I LOVED it when he slept because I didn't have to feed him. No, I was not depressed....I just absolutely hated it, and the pain, that much.

    We went to formula and I never looked back. We finally bonded, we were both much happier. I'm not a failure. I have three wonderful (formula fed) kids. You're doing fine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Regardless of what some mothers (especially here) will say, you do NOT have to breastfeed your baby to have a smart, healthy, contented baby that you are doing the best for! Some babies will not breastfeed, some mother's can't or don't want to breastfeed their children.

    IT IS NOT REQUIRED!!!

    If breastfeeding is not for you and your baby, don't panic. Feed your baby the way that works for you, your baby and your family/circumstances. The important thing is for the baby to have a happy, loving mother and plenty of good food. Believe it or not when your child is older, s/he won't care if they got milk out of your boob or out of a bottle!
    pagan_mama

    Answer by pagan_mama at 9:33 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I don't think this has anything to do with FF or BF, so let's not turn this into a debate. I think it has to do with post partum depression. i would talk to your doctor about how you've been feeling. Just my opinion. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I agree with amileegirl, the breastfeeding is independent of your depression and you need to address the depression with your doctor first. If you still really want to breastfeed, you can start that back up, but you'd have to do it soon. If you don't, that's fine too. You're not a failure as a mom.

    Post-partum depression is something to take seriously. I had it with my second one (after she weaned, hormones!) but didn't get help for it right away because I didn't know that's what it was. When I finally did get help, I took wellbutrin and things started looking up!

    Now my third is weaning and I felt like I was relapsing, so I got on meds right away so it didn't get as bad.
    Pieta0227

    Answer by Pieta0227 at 9:50 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • Don't feel ashamed about it...go to your doctor and talk to him/her about it and see where you go from there.
    Make sure your taking care of yourself too...because after all, if we don't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of our litte ones?
    *huge hugs*
    sandypops

    Answer by sandypops at 9:55 AM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • as unhappy as i am about your decision to stop breastfeeding on such a whim, i DO understand ppd. i know two things for sure- it passes, and you dont need medication. medication is our countries "quick fix" instead of addressing the real issue. i would a. try to bring the baby back to breast, there are several ways to do this i would be glad to pm you with info and b. seek a therapist or a post pardum doula that specializes in ppd. also note that you ARE NOT ALONE. ppd is way more common than you think and comes in many shapes and forms.
    rozepyle

    Answer by rozepyle at 9:57 AM on Dec. 5, 2009