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Need clarification about legal separation/divorce. I have a friend that is confused about it, I think.

Its been a long time since Ive asked any questions here on CM so bear with me. My best friend of 13 yrs has been in a very rocky marriage for 12 of those years. He has abused her physically, mentally, verbally, ect., and I have encouraged her to step out of it until they could get counseling or he really changed. He never did and the last few episodes were crazy and she finally had enough. I supported her choice to file a legal separation/divorce from him. She stated that she didnt want a divorce but that in the 6 mos that you are legally separated, she would see if he has changed and possibly make things work or whatever. When she signed those papers, she came to the conclusion that she was free of him, even though she was still legally married. She has men calling and texting all the time now and she has started a relationship with a man who is 10 yrs younger than her (not the issue). She is bringing him into her home...CONT

 
momofsaee4

Asked by momofsaee4 at 1:43 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (3)
  • unless they are divorced, legally divorced- he can gain custody of the children because of the presence of a paramour. EVEN if he has abused her, if it can not be proven that he abused the children, she is at a loss.
    if she has not had a temporary hearing to establish custody, he is still free to take the children away from her, and she has no legal recourse. she is playing with fire, and it looks like she may get burnt.
    emotional/mental abuse is hard to prove, and she had better have a stack of evidence a foot think to support physical abuse to combat the claims he will make in order to get the kids.
    they look at the situation from a very different perspective, and unless she can prove he is a danger to the kids, then he could get custody of them if she continues down this path.
    i just went through the same mess (not the paramour mess, but the abuse, separation, custody, divorce mess...)
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 2:02 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • around her kids and her husband (not yet ex husband) found her and this guy laying on the sofa together. His entire family lives next door and can see her comings and goings. Her husband is taking pictures and getting witnesses to her behavior, I guess because he plans on taking her to court? I really dont know. Nevertheless, while I do support her separating herself from an abusive husband, I dont feel like she is free to start a new relationship. Its none of my business until she asks my opinion and I give it to her. So what I am wondering is that why she sees herself as available. Is she actually free to start a new relationship, ethically? She is neglecting her kids and has basically gone wild now that shes under the impression that shes free. I cant even hang out with her anymore becuase she wont stop texting this guy. Shes 37 yrs old and is acting like shes 15. Ive committed to loving her from a distance. Is she right?
    momofsaee4

    Answer by momofsaee4 at 1:46 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • going to add... if he has evidence to back up these claims, he WILL get the kids... even though she is mom, that behavior is perceived as a threat to the children.

    google this (copy paste) "Legal separation" - "Custody" - "Paramour" - "Divorce Procedures" + (insert state of residence here)
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 2:05 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

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