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Moms, if you were in a bad relationship and partner was in the wrong mistreating you- did you have hints

...with his behavior or language early on that the partner was off his rocker so to speak? Or did his mistreatment of you come without warning? What happened that you antennae went off that this guy is mentally off??? With YOUR family of parents, siblings of yours and your partner's parents his siblings - do or did they all BELIEVE YOU if you talked to any of them of his behavior? Or did were they never able to understand his sickness of his control and his ego over you?

So many moms post in of being treated so so bad by their partners and wonder if it's right should they stay or go!!!! If you cafe momers existed for me as support in my hard days I would have been able to come to the point of leaving him. My extended family and his only ever saw and heard my frustrations of his attitude and behavior to me, never his actual attidue and behavior to me. I so hope for moms in painful bad relationships to know strength.

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lfl

Asked by lfl at 3:28 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Level 7 (161 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • It was slow at first with signs but once i learned his pattern I caught on quicker. In the very beginning of the relationship I was ready to call it quits because I had doubts about his "previous" relationship was really over. He cried begging me not to give up on him an he could show me better than he could tell me. Like a fool I fell for it(I think it was him crying). Through out the following years it got harder to leave(he went from begging to intimidation through threats and violence). What really got my alarms going was when he told me had vivid thoughts and ideas of different ways to kill me, and continued to inform me they weren't pretty or nice! I think with abusers once they have these kind of thoughts or vision it'll be matter of time befoe they act them out!!!! Another thing that made me uneasy was when he started to deny and act like he never did this stuff, and intimated me into acting like it never happened.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I finally had enough of him mistreating me and refusing to seek help for it, so I left!!! It depends on us why and how long we stay in an unhealthy relationship! I truly feared for my life, but got tired of living that way so I did what I had to do inorder to end it!!! Honestly I don't care what he says to prove his innocence because he, myself, and God know the truth!!! To everyone that knows him(except me) sees him as gentle, caring, loving, sweet, honest, upstanding. But I know and see him as the monster that lives within. If he doesn't get help the next one he does this to will get worse than I did, maybe even killed. But I tried to get him to see that he needed help, but after 4 months of therapy and him not even talking about these sick thoughts and discussing why he treated me he way he was, I knew their was no point to continue in that hell hole. I decided I deserve better, and better I will find! I wish him the best!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • It took a couple of years for my x to treat me badly and it came on without my realizing he was capable of being abusive. It took several more years for me to convince anyone that this great guy could do such a thing like harm me. Today everyone knows he's an abusive jerk and I'm glad he's an x.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:14 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • admckenzie op here. What did you have you end up doing to convince others "that this great guy could do such a thing like harm me." ? My inlaws died never knowing what their son was like and capable of. I brought up my son not feeding his ego 24/7 like others treated his father. I compliment easy my son he knows how smart and good he is but only feeding his ego's never happened. He's gotten reprimanded just like his siblings. Responders, how did your partner who mistreated you - how did his Family treat HIM while growing up and as an adult?
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:46 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I knew my boyfriend had a drug problem when we were first together but I thought he would change. He never did. He would say he was clean and he would be for awhile. When he was he was the best guy in the world but then started it again. His mother knew and still knows he has a drug problem and wonders why I'm "so mean" to him and won't let him see my son. I left him because I was pregnant and would never let him do the things he did to me, to my son.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 7:42 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • There's a great book called "I Closed My Eyes." It really goes into a lot of the stuff you mentioned.
    sweetphoenix529

    Answer by sweetphoenix529 at 11:19 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

  • Whoops! It's by Michelle Weldon
    sweetphoenix529

    Answer by sweetphoenix529 at 11:20 AM on Dec. 6, 2009

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