Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 year old talked about oral sex to me!!

My son and I were driving and he told me his friend kissed his pee pee, and he did the same to him....I asked some details and they were very vauge. My son does have a vivid imagination, and when we talked more about it he said he had made it up. I asked him how he knew about it and he said he thought it up on is own! IDK it is very odd, and just to let you know he has not been around the boy in question for about 4 months, so where do I go from here?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Dec. 5, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Just keep your eyes open. Always listen to what he has to say and try NOT to over react. Maybe he say something on tv or is just being creative. He might have told you to see your reaction. Good luck and keep talking to him. Make sure he knows the difference between good and bad touching.
    Yve538

    Answer by Yve538 at 7:02 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • I wouldn't over react but I'd talk to him about good touching/bad touching. Don't dwell on it with him but keep an eye on the kids when they are together.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:51 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • would have him evaluated by ped, and psyche. usually (not always) this is how kids ask for help when they are being sexually abused. and it is usually by someone close- parent, aunt, uncle, babysitter/caregiver, and VERY frequently someone from church, or another child that has likewise been exposed.

    not accusing anyone, just laying out the facts. if those evaluations turn something up, then you should report it and press criminal charges.
    most children will not say "so and so did this to me" about an adult, because they feel like they will be in trouble, or have been told they will be. i would not take that as a vivid imagination. having been sexually abused as a young child, and remembering how i asked for help (it was overlooked, and i was punished further for my behavior. it has only been in adulthood that what happened was accepted as truth- the man was charged with abusing his child) i see that as a red flag.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 3:53 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • It most likely did happen. Kids this young do not make up sexual tales (I'm a CPS investigator).

    When I was 5, I had a 6 year old girlfriend do this to me. She called it playing house. Though I was innocent and didn't know at the time what sex even was, I still feel shame from the incident and carry around the hurt that the incident caused.

    Your son NEVER needs to play with this boy again. I would avoid telling the boy's parents or if another incident arises, they may blame your son and say he taught their boy how to do this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • OP here, thank you anon 54--why would this come up 4 months after the last time they played together, I can state with 100% certantity that no ADULT has done this to him, he has come up with crazy things in the past, like I said he has a VIVID imagination, he has told me aliens have taken him away, that he and Goldilocks are best friends etc... I do not recall ever leaving them alone unsupervised for even 2 minutes....lately he has been very interested in where babies come from etc.. I am just worried that he has seen something?? The only other thing is he does stay overnight with my Mom and Dad once in awhile, who have never molested me or anyone else, my uncle abused me, so my DH and I are very, very careful who is alone with, only me, him or my parents! I would not even think of telling the kids parents, because they make me very nervous, won't even allow DS to go to their house, thanks--andy more advice?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Dec. 5, 2009

  • checking him out is NOT the answer. That is called over reaction and you run the risk of making a huge mountain out of a mole hill. Kids experiment and play doctor. This does not mean he actually was sexually abused. I would however inform the other parent. You can start by saying you don't know if it occurred or not, you are not upset by it, and you wanted her to just be aware. What you do need to do is sit down and have a talk...the kind every parent should have when their child is a preschooler. The one where we tell them no one touches or see their private parts with the exception of doctor, mom, and dad (or other care giver). Explain why. If you are unsure how to start this conversation your local sexual assault center can assist you in ways to explain. Or at least I have with dozens of parents. We forget that some exploration is normal and we need to teach what is appropriate and what is not.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:49 AM on Dec. 6, 2009